


The Pianist

by ferric



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, Modern AU, Piano
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-16
Updated: 2014-07-28
Packaged: 2017-12-29 14:30:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 32,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1006511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ferric/pseuds/ferric
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren played the piano. Levi may or may not be falling for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> To most-powerful-soldier who won my Cruise Control’s guessing challenge for a drabble. They requested a pianist!Eren and Levi who falls in love with his music. I’m really sorry because I’ve lost the message that has the prompt, so the fic will be different from the original prompt. It is/will be longer than a drabble…

_It was one of those Fridays_ , Levi thought as he squeezed through the heavy crowd heading downtown to barely slip in the tiny coffee shop just in time for Mickey to call out, “The usual, Levi?”

"Yeah," Levi said, straightening up his clothes even though his shoulders were already relaxing into their usual Friday afternoon slouch. The busy noise of the street dimmed to a muted humming of the usual patrons in the café as the door closed behind Levi, and he felt every muscle unwound just at the sight of his usual seat in the back, a plush couch next to an antique lamp that Mickey pawned off Erwin as a favor for a friend. Levi was about to head to his usual seat when Mickey said, "Hey Levi, do you mind if we have a little music today?"

Levi paused. He didn’t like distracting noises. He enjoyed the fast tapping of laptop keys, the scratching of pen on paper, and the soft murmur of conversation, but music was invasive. “What kind of music?”

"We’re finally going to put that piano to good use."

Levi made a face. He didn’t want to hear piano music.

"Come on," Mickey said, and Levi could imagine his mustache twitching pleadingly, and Levi was suddenly reminded that without it, everyone would actually call Mickey by his real name, even though he didn’t actually resemble a mouse. "It’s my nephew!"

"You don’t have a nephew," Levi pointed out, already contemplating an excuse to finish up his tea and leave early.

"He’s like family," Mickey explained, and Levi shrugged as he went to the counter to take the cup of tea from Mickey’s hand. 

"Yes or no?" Mickey pulled the cup away from Levi’s awaiting hand.

"Sure," Levi said, just so he could get his usual cup of tea. He could take it. Last week he had to sit through Hanji’s daughter’s stupid piano recital. He sure hoped that Mickey’s nephew was better than a six year-old.

"Hey, let me introduce you to—" Mickey began, but Levi shook his head. "Oh. Rough day?"

"I don’t want to talk about it," Levi said. Then, as if he’d just remembered etiquette, he added, "Sorry."

"It’s alright," Mickey said. "I have to live with your sourness for five years now."

"Thank you for that, really," Levi said, and he meant it. He didn’t know why his friends stuck around, but he was glad that they did.

Levi took the cup of tea and a magazine from Mickey’s stacks and headed to his beloved couch, ready for some mindless relaxing and perhaps some blocking of annoying piano music. He made it through the first page of an article citing the evil of unpaid internship when he heard Mickey said, “Hey Eren, piano’s all yours.”

"Alright!"

Levi winced as he heard running footsteps heading toward the piano, and that alone was enough to make him disregard whoever this kid was. His eyes ran over the blue histogram of income with age by the time—Eren, was it?—sat down on the piano, and he was prepared for the worst. Luckily, Levi was trained since young to block out unpleasant things, so he continued to read the article with ease even as Eren started playing.

By the time Levi reached the last paragraph, however, he realized that he was tapping his feet, and it took him another moment to realize that he was unconsciously nodding his head to the music. The words on the page slowly blurred away, and Levi wasn’t looking at graphs anymore, but a music sheet, his mother’s hand at the corner straightening it up as Levi’s fingers stumbled clumsily over the notes, the gentle sunlight danced over the ivory keys to the movement of his hands, the smell of fresh lemons hanging heavily from the branches out in their yard timidly tip-toeing through the window, and it was the first time that his mother had smiled and the first time that he had even touched the piano since his father passed away.

Levi jerked the magazine from his vision and hastily placed it on the side table, as if it would snap him from the memory. His eyes strayed to Eren’s back, imaging as Eren’s fingers—much more experienced than Levi back when he played this song—moved gracefully over the keys—and Levi could see it, bare feet skipping over the dirt yard, apples hanging over head with a warm red blush, branches rustling as the wind passed, and then there was a river, rushing over rocks and fallen mossy branches, and the imagery came alive with each note that Eren played, and Levi wasn’t in the coffee shop anymore, but in his last camping trip with his parents, hiking bare feet upriver because the path was so familiar to him that he could navigate by the feeling of the earth underneath his feet, the sound of the river by his side the whole time, the warm morning light cascading over the leaves to fall into the shimmering water.

And then the scenery softened away, Eren’s final notes carried Levi back, and Levi hastily turned around, catching the last glimpse of his parents’ face before the song ended.

And then it was over.

There was a slow clapping, and it was only when Eren turned to look at directly at him, eyes bright and lively like the music flowing from his fingers, that Levi realized that the clapping was from his own hands. Other people followed suit, and Eren blushed, scratching the back of his neck.

“Not bad,” Levi said as he walked up to Eren; the impressed tone betrayed his lukewarm words.

“Thanks,” Eren said. “I’m Eren, by the way.”

“Levi.”

“Nice to meet you,” Eren smiled, and before Eren could say anything, Mickey jumped in.

“Wait, did Levi actually like a piece of piano music??”

“Shut up, Mickey-Mouse,” Levi said, feeling strangely exposed, as if someone had cut open his heart and let all of his memories spilled out.

“You don’t like the piano?” Eren asked. “But you liked the song?”

“It’s a good song,” Levi said. “One of the few I still remembered how to play on the piano.”

“Oh, you play?” Eren and Mickey said at the same time, although, while Eren sounded excited, Mickey sounded incredulous. “You want to try playing sometimes?” Eren asked, at the same time Mickey said, “I don’t believe it.”

“Why not?” Eren asked Mickey, and Levi looked away awkwardly as Mickey said, “Levi hated the piano. He wouldn’t shut up about despising it.”

“Really?” Eren turned to Levi, looking as if Levi had crushed his poor heart or something.

“I don’t like to play the piano,” Levi said. “There’s a difference.”

“But you liked the song I played earlier, right?” Eren pointed out.

“Yeah,” Levi said. “You’re pretty good.”

“If Hanji was here, she would say that the world is coming to an end,” Mickey said, shaking his head. He went and patted Eren on the shoulder. “You did well, Eren. I can’t believe the words I’m hearing from Levi’s mouth today.”

Frankly, Levi didn’t quite believe himself either. It was strange, listening to Eren’s music, like taking a stroll through dreamlike nostalgia. It wasn’t a bad feeling. Levi didn’t know what to make of it.

“What is it?” Eren said, and Levi was snapped from his thoughts.

“What?”

“You were staring at me weirdly,” Eren said.

“No, Levi,” Mickey said. “Eren’s a decade younger than you. Don’t even think about it.”

Levi scoffed. “As if. I’m not interested in kids.”

Eren looked angry at that, as if he was offended by the fact that he wasn’t within Levi strike zone. Well, too bad. Levi had to babysit people at work; there was no way he was going force himself into babysitting in his personal time.

“I’m not a kid!” Eren said. “I’m already eighteen.”

“Good for you,” said Levi, rising to his feet because he had a strange urge to leave immediately. He went and placed the empty cup at the counter, and shook his head when Mickey tried to pour him another.

“You’re leaving already?” Mickey said. “But you hadn’t even had your usual five cups yet.”

“I’m feeling a little sick today,” Levi lied. The childhood memory, strung along by the echoe of Eren’s music, fluttered at the edge of his mind, and suddenly the coffee shop felt too small.

He had to leave.

“Alright,” Mickey said. “Get well soon. Call me if you need anything.”

Levi gave both Mickey and Eren a nod before hastily made his way to the door. He didn’t think there would be a day when he actually found relief from the noises of the busy street, but today was a special exception. The memory faded slowly away, and Levi felt clarity returned to his mind once more.

“Wait!” Eren rushed after him just as Levi began to make his way down the street.

Levi forced himself to turn back at the sound of Eren’s voice. “What is it?”

“I’ll find another song that you’ll like,” Eren said. “I’ll play it next Monday.”

It was dangerous. Levi had buried his childhood memories for so long now, and he didn’t want to pull them up again. He had made it this far because he didn’t look back, not even once, but Eren’s music had forced him to return, and he didn’t know how if he wanted this or not.

“I don’t come on Mondays,” Levi said.

“The next time you come then,” Eren said. “I’ll be here.”

“Why are you doing this?” Levi asked, a little quirked by Eren’s interest in him.

“I like that song too,” Eren said, and that wasn’t an answer at all.

“It’s a good song,” Levi said, a strange warmth tingling in his stomach as Eren grinned.

“I’ll see you next time then,” Eren said with an infuriating know-it-all tone, as if he knew that Levi would be back.

“If I come back,” Levi shouted as Eren shut the door. He couldn’t hear Eren’s reply, but he did get an eyeful of Eren’s mocking wave and annoying smile through the glass.

Levi sighed as he walked away. Although, unexpectedly, he was really looking forward to next Friday.

***

Levi wasn’t spying, but apparently, according to Hanji, Eren was staying with Mickey because his parents moved to another state due to his father’s job relocating, and Eren wanted to finish off his last year of high school with his friends before heading off to some music school. Hanji said that Eren was a musical genius, and Levi didn’t know what a musical genius was supposed to sound like, but if he had to describe it, Eren would be the perfect example. The world hidden in the music sheet seemed to come alive under Eren’s hands.

Of course, all of this information came at the expense of his privacy because Hanji said, “So, word on the street said you used to play piano too.”

“Why are we discussing this?” Levi groaned.

“Because I’ve been lead to believe that you’ve never touched a piano in your life,” Hanji said. “I didn’t know that you actually played.”

“Only a little bit,” Levi said.

“Ah, were you one of those rich kids that were sent to piano classes?” Hanji teased.

“You know perfectly well that’s not true,” Levi said. “My grandfather used to teach me, and when he died, he left the piano with me. Transporting that thing was a pain.”

“That’s sweet of your grandfather,” Hanji said, and then there was a strange pause over the phone. Levi shifted to lie on his right side on the couch.

“Sure,” he said, waiting for Hanji’s inevitable words.

“You know, I honestly have never thought that you knew how to play the piano,” she said. “It’s not really a big deal, but now that I thought about it, you didn’t really talk about your childhood at all.”

“Does my past really matter?” Levi asked, wondering if he was violating some kind of friend code.

“No, not at all,” said Hanji. “I just thought it would be nice to know.”

“You know the important things about me,” Levi said.

“Okay,” Hanji said, sounding like she didn’t believe him at all.

Levi had a feeling that he would be hearing a lot of this from multiple people this week.

***

The following Friday Levi came back to the coffee shop with trepidation, anticipation, and a legit excuse in case he wanted to leave early. Levi contemplated skipping out, but Mickey’s café was his favorite place to go on a Friday afternoon, and he went there so often that he recognized all the regulars there. It was a nice quiet place to think, but now the presence of a certain someone disrupted the silent peace that Levi built around himself, and he didn’t know how to feel about that. Nevertheless, his feet carried him through the familiar glass doors, and he could already see Eren waiting by the piano.

“You came,” Eren said as Levi approached the counter where Mickey already had his tea ready. “You really come at exactly 4:30 every day, not even a second late.”

Levi gave Mickey a look. Mickey shrugged, “Hey, he asked.”

“Yeah,” Levi said, taking his cup and did not head to this usual seat right away for once.

“I have something for you,” Eren said, lifting up a music sheet with old pencil marks and messy handwritten notes, and it took Levi a while to recognize what the song was. It was a different arrangement than the one that he used to play.

Levi felt something dangerously close to pain hovering over his heart. He kept it down, however, and hoped that it didn’t show on his face.

“I had no idea what to bring,” Eren admitted with an abashment. “But I asked my teacher for help, and we went through songs that are similar to the one from last week.”

“You’re quite invested in this,” Levi said. Then, when he saw the strange grin on Eren’s face, he said, “What?”

“Nothing,” Eren shook his head. “It’s just that…I like this song too.”

“Okay,” Levi said, not quite sure where Eren was going with it. “Sounds good. It’s not the arrangement that I used to play though.”

“Oh I know,” Eren said. “I did a bit of improv with this.”

“Alright,” Levi said, feeling reassured for reasons that he didn’t quite understand. It helped that it wouldn’t be the exact same song. “Let’s hear it then.”

The beginning of the song was familiar, and Levi was hearing but not listening, the soft sympathetic voices, feet shuffling over the carpet, _“Why don’t you play your father’s favorite song today?”_ his fingers on the key, his mother sitting on the living room couch while the relatives hovered around Levi, the high notes scratching his insides until he became hollow, his father’s favorite song, played when he was no longer in this world, black clothing surrounding him, trapping him to the piano, and Levi frantically looked for his mother, but she wasn’t looking at him.

And then a sharp note jerked Levi from the memory, and he realized that Eren was playing an improvised part, and the music carried him into a different memory, a cool afternoon, rain tapping against the window, but it was cozy inside, his father strumming on the guitar while Levi on the piano, the music of his childhood waltzed slowly through the room, his mother’s smile, the droplets of rain sliding off the leaves and showers of white petals from the trees sticking to the glass of the window.

The improv slowly went back to the whispers, _“He didn’t even cry at his own father’s funeral,”_ and Levi stood up and ran to the backyard, but there were no flowers peaking or lemons hanging from the branches, no sun nor rain but the gray overcast sky, no music and no warmth, nothing but the quite hollowness inside, and Levi couldn’t cry.

Then the scenery changed, the grayness swept away, and his father was alive again, a gentle hand on Levi’s head, “I like when you play the piano,” and Levi had thought truly with the hope of an eight year old that he would play forever, that the music of his childhood was going to continue to hold his hand as they walked him to adulthood.

Then, it was over.

Levi let out a shaky breath.

“What do you think?” Eren turned to look at him, and then the excited expression quickly shifted to one of worry when he looked at Levi. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” Levi said.

“You look like you want to cry,” Eren said, and Levi was tempted to tell him that he could shove his concern elsewhere because Levi was fine. He was fine.

“Sorry, it is the song?” Eren asked. “I mean, do you need to sit down?”

“No,” Levi rubbed the bridge of his nose. The corners of his eyes felt dangerously wet. “It’s a good song.”

Eren looked like he didn’t know what to do with himself, and Levi didn’t know what he should say either. Finally, he said, “You’re pretty good.”

“Thanks,” Eren said, although he didn’t look like he felt grateful for the compliment. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

“Yes, I’m sure,” Levi said, getting irritated with Eren’s quizzing. He knew that Eren was concerned, but right now, it just felt like needles poking into an old wound. Levi went to place the tea cup, still full, by the counter, and Mickey frowned.

“Hey, are you sure you’re alright?” Mickey asked.

“I’m fine,” Levi said firmly.

“I’m sorry,” Eren said.

“For what?” Levi asked, calmness slowly returning to him, and before he could tell Eren to not worry about it, Eren said, “I don’t know, I’m sorry for making you feel bad. I don’t mean to though.”

“It’s fine,” Levi said, and even though it wasn’t Eren’s fault in the least, the apology was still appreciated. “It was good. The improv was interesting.”

“Okay,” Eren said, not seeming to be very happy with the compliment.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Eren shook his head. “I mean, yeah I guess it’s good, but I’d rather that you enjoy it.”

“If you go around worrying about unintentionally hurting others’ feelings, you’ll get nothing done,” Levi said. “You don’t live to play music to suit my taste.”

“Why is it bad if I want to play something for you?” Eren asked.

Levi stared at him. He didn’t have an answer for Eren. “Why would you want to play something for me?” he asked cautiously, almost afraid of Eren’s answer.

“I like the expression you had back when you first listened to me play,” Eren said, his face turning an interesting shade of embarrassment, and the boldness had Levi turned his attention to the cup of tea still sitting on the counter, suddenly finding it very hard to look at Eren. He didn’t know what kind of face he had made and he didn’t want to know, but he couldn’t imagine it being that interesting to catch Eren’s attention.

“A-hem,” Mickey cleared his throat, and both Levi and Eren were startled with that realization that they were in fact, still in a public place. “Eren.” Mickey’s voice was stern. “Levi, please don’t mess around with my nephew.”

“I’m not,” Levi said, at the same time Eren said, “I’m not actually your nephew.”

“Besides,” Eren continued. “I’m legal.”

“That is not what I want to hear right now,” Mickey said.

“Cover your ears then.” Eren shrugged, and unfortunately for Levi, said, “I’ll have something better for you next week.”

Levi wasn’t sure how he felt about being seduced by an eighteen year old, but it felt like one of those things that wouldn’t end well. “I’m not coming next week,” Levi said, regretting the words as they left his mouth because he really didn’t have a place to go.

“Then the week after,” Eren said, and Levi silently wondered if missing two weeks of his favorite relaxation time was worth the trouble. Finally, he decided to be firm about this.

“Don’t bother about me anymore,” Levi said. “I mean it.”

Eren’s face fell, and Levi almost retracted his words. He felt as if he just kicked a helpless puppy, but he had to say it.

“Why not?” Eren asked.

“Remember how you said you didn’t want to make me feel bad? Well you’re making me feel uncomfortable right now,” Levi said. He just wanted his quiet life back, and Eren was not helping.

“At least let me find another song for you,” Eren said. “I mean, this is for pure reasons, I promise.”

Mickey snorted, and Eren glared at him. “I mean it!” He turned to Levi. “Just one more song, please?”

“Why?” Levi had to ask. There was nothing particularly interesting about playing music for him, and he didn’t understand why Eren was so insistent.

“I mean it when I said that I really like your response to my music,” Eren said. “I don’t know, it was like…you get it, what I was trying to do, and it felt nice.”

Levi sighed, feeling conflicted. It felt like a really bad idea, but, “Sure. I’ll see what you have for me next week.”

“Two weeks from now?” Eren said, and Levi suddenly remembered that his half-assed way of avoiding Eren a few seconds ago.

“Sure,” said Levi. “One more song.”

And then the smile on Eren’s face almost made the feeling of trepidation in his stomach melted away. Almost.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi bumped into Eren outside of the cafe.

It was a testament of how dull Levi’s life had become when the highlight of his social life was weekly dinner with his coworkers. Levi vetoed the burger place before Auruo could suggest it because he hated how the grease would drip between his fingers every time he attempted to take a bite. Petra, however, had decided that she wanted fries, so all Levi could do was looked sullen as they dragged him to Sam’s Grill about three blocks from their office. 

Levi poured a little bit of water from his cup into a napkin and wiped down their table as he quietly listened to the group’s cheerful chatter. The routine usually began with Auruo and Petra fighting over their respective love lives—Levi wasn’t sure whether he should see their competitive squabbling as some sort of mating dance—but nevertheless it was entertaining.

So it came as a shock when Petra asked Levi, “So, are you seeing anyone in your life?”

“No,” Levi said, folding the napkin carefully into a small square. He hoped that the topic would quickly pass, but of course, because Petra mentioned it, Auruo felt the need to continue.

“Maybe Petra could help you with setting up a blind date,” Auruo said, probably thinking that he was helping when he wasn’t. “She’s an expert in blind dates.”

“That better not be some sort of insult,” said Petra, and before Levi could be relieved that it might turn into a Petra-Auruo argument, Petra turned to Levi, “But if you’re interested, I could definitely—”

“No,” Levi said firmly. “Trying to find someone to exchanging germs with? No.”

“It’s not like that,” Petra said. “It’s about finding someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.”

At the same time, Auruo said, “It’s about finding a good fuc—”but he immediately received a kick to his shin by Petra before he could finish.

“Guys, if Levi wants a romantic relationship, he’ll find one himself,” Erd cut in while Gunter wisely chose to pretend that he wasn’t listening.

“Alright,” Petra looked unsure. “But if you ever want to—”

“I’m sure I won’t,” Levi said, wanting the conversation to shift to something that wasn’t his lack of love life because he didn’t think he wanted a love life, and—

“Levi?” A familiar voice cut through his thoughts. Levi recognized it right away.

Talked about bad timing.

“Eren,” Levi said, and sure enough, there Eren was, in his high school student glory, navy book bag slung across his back, plain short-sleeve black t-shirt with sky-blue long sleeves peeking out and dark straight-leg jeans. He was holding a tray of food in his hand, and was looking at Levi with more excitement than a high school student should be looking at a thirty year old man.

“What are you doing here?” Eren asked.

“Eating dinner with my coworkers,” said Levi. “You?”

“I’m waiting for Mickey. I was going to eat with him,” Eren said. “But he’s an hour late, and he hasn’t answered any of my text.” He shifted uncomfortably on his feet, black Converse scraping the tiles, and Levi sighed.

“Do you guys mind if this kid joins us?” Levi asked.

“Not at all” and “No, of course not” were the consensus, and Erd and Auruo immediately scooted over so that Eren could fit into their booth. Levi took out his phone and texted Mickey, asking him what was so important that he forgot about his not-nephew.

“So Eren, how do you know Levi?” Petra asked.

“He comes to my uncle’s—well, sort of my uncle—café a lot and I play the piano for him?” Eren said, looking over at Levi for confirmation.

“He’s a friend of a friend,” Levi said, but the damage was done. When Eren mentioned that he played piano for Levi, everyone in the table started shooting knowing looks at each other, great.

“How long have you played piano for Levi?” Petra said, in a tone that implied ‘playing piano’ was the equivalent of ‘dating.’ Levi made a note to himself that perhaps he was getting too friendly with his coworkers because Petra looked over to Levi with laughter in her eyes. 

“It’s only been two week,” Eren said, seemingly oblivious to the silent conversations the adults were having.

“I think it’s fantastic,” Erd said.

“Oh okay,” Eren said, completely missing the implication behind Erd’s words. Levi wanted to throw something at him.

“Our orders are up,” Levi said, referring to the digital screens flashing with their order numbers, and sure enough, about a second later, their numbers were announced through the speakers. They all rose to their feet and left for the counter, and Levi took this opportunity to tell his coworkers. “Can you guys stop? It’s not like that.”

“We’re just curious—” Gunter said, but Petra cut in, “It’s okay, we’ll stop. I know you won’t look at a kid that way.”

“Yeah, you’re too good for a brat anyway,” Auruo said, missing the point but the attempt was appreciated.

Sure enough, when they returned to the table, everyone stopped making insinuations, much to Levi’s relief. Their conversation drifted comfortably to curious questions about Eren’s life, much of which he had heard from Hanji before, so he wasn’t too surprised to hear. It was calming, in a way, enjoying his grilled chicken sandwich to the flow of conversation around him.

Apparently, Eren started playing piano at a young age, being in one of those families that sent their children to piano classes that Hanji mentioned (Hanji being one of those parents), and apparently he was going to send in applications for early decisions to several schools soon. 

“But,” Eren looked down at the mess of ketchup on his cooling fries. “My piano teacher said that the pieces I’m submitting are not good enough.”

“Why not?” Levi asked, wondering what was wrong with the piano teacher because he thought Eren was brilliant. Levi didn’t quite understand the level of expectations that Eren needed to reach because Levi was out of the piano phase since he was twelve, but from what Eren had shown him in the two times that he had played, Levi couldn’t imagine Eren being deficient of talent in any way.

“I didn’t get it when he explained it to me,” Eren admitted, slumping his shoulders. 

There was a moment of silence, when no one knew what to say. Then, Petra, thank goodness, spoke, “It’s okay; you’ll figure it out.”

“I hope so.”

“You look like you need a milkshake,” Erd patted his back, and before Eren could protest, Erd left the table and actually ordered everyone a milkshake.

After much fattening food that surely was adding on to a heart attack later in Levi’s life and a guaranteed food coma once he got home, they all decided to leave. Mickey refused to answer his phone, and Levi was getting worried.

“I’ll drive you home,” Levi told Eren. “Hopefully by the time we get back, he’ll answer his phone so I can give him a hard time.”

“Okay, thanks!” Eren said.

“Drive home safely!”

“See you guys!”

“See you all tomorrow!”

“They’re really nice,” Eren said as they began to walk to his car, the cool autumn evening strangely peaceful even though the bustling noises of people chattering and laughing and the rumbling of cars surrounded them.

“Yeah,” Levi said. Eren caught up to his quick steps easily with long strides, a close presence by his side, so Levi noticed right away when Eren began to shiver as the chill easily permeated through his thin T-shirt.

Without thinking too much about it, Levi took off his coat and handed to Eren. “Here.”

“I’m okay.”

“Just take it,” Levi said gruffly. “I’m wearing a sweater.”

“Okay,” Eren took the coat from Levi and slipped it on, albeit reluctantly. The gray suited him.“Thank you.”

Comfortable silence returned between them. Levi could feel Eren taking quick peeks at him even though Eren was trying to be discreet. After the third time, Levi decided to speak up. “What is it?”

“Nothing.”

“If you have something to say, then just say it.”

“It’s just,” Eren began, and Levi turned to look at him, curious. “I have something for you, and I was wondering if you want to listen to it right now?”

“I don’t have a piano in my car,” Levi said as they approached his car, which gave them a cheerful greeting of flashing lights and clicks as Levi pressed ‘unlock’ on his key.

“No, that’s not what I meant,” Eren said as they got into the car.

“Just dump your backpack in the back seat.”

“I have the CD here with me,” Eren said, putting on his seatbelt hastily so that he could dig through his backpack. “I was listening to some of the songs that my mom taught me when I was younger, and I found one that I thought you’ll like.”

“Your mom taught you how to play?” Levi asked.

“Yeah, until I got to a level where she couldn’t teach me anymore—got it!” Eren pulled a CD from his backpack, illegible writing on the cover that Levi recognized as the same handwriting on the piano sheets Eren showed him a while back. “How about you? How did you learn?”

“My grandfather taught me,” Levi said, starting the engine so that Eren could put the CD in the car stereo.

“How long have you played?” Eren asked while fumbling with the buttons.

“Only about five years,” said Levi. “I stopped when I was twelve. Here, you got to press this button.”

“Right,” Eren said, leaning back against the car seat as the lights on the stereo began to flash green. “It’s the third song. So why did you stop playing?”

Levi was silent, unsure if he wanted to answer. Finally, he said, “I got sick of the piano, so I stopped.” It was true, in a way.

“I can’t imagine getting sick of the piano,” Eren said.

“Well, I can.”

The music began, bringing their conversation to an awkward halt. The beginning was—really difficult to listen to because he could barely hear the soft, sparse notes—but when Levi reached for the volume control, Eren placed a hand on his wrist, stopping him. Eren shook his head, and Levi dropped his wrist. Levi strained his ear to connect the notes together, but he couldn’t, and he cursed his bad hearing at this moment.

And then the music burst from the speaker, and Levi jumped, but before he had a chance to recover, the music dragged him into a sprint, and he stumbled with his feet, trying to catch up to it, but it was too fast even when Levi was running with all his might, barely able to breathe, and just when Levi saw just the tail, saw that in just a few moment, he could catch up, and he reached out his hand to—

And then he crashed spectacularly as the music eased to a slow, steady stream.

Levi turned to Eren, and he wondered what kind of expression he was making now because Eren was grinning so brightly. “It’s good, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Levi said, turning back to the green “Track 03” flashing on the stereo display. He could see it, hot summers when his parents dragged him to Grandfather’s, heat sticking to his skin melting away into relieving coolness as he ran to the lake, leaves and branches blurring away and scratching at his bare skin as he pulled his shirt off, and then it was there, white clouds swimming in a bright blue mirror, his feet grazing against the hot old wood of the dock and then he jumped, the world shooting like the rocket and then there was a pause when everything—the heat, the wind, the floating clouds—stopped. And then it was falling, falling and failing and— _splash_ —everything became a silent coolness, a steady calmness settling over him as the water embraced him. 

When Levi broke through the surface, the world returned to him once more, and then he was looking at Eren, at the wide smile on his face, and Levi felt a strange urge to mirror that smile on his own face, but he bit the inside of his lips to stop himself.

Then Levi was pulled away again, stuffing himself with too much blue berries on the neighbor’s side of the yard, but it was okay because the Smiths wouldn’t mind, and then his mother called out, “Levi!” and he rushed back into the house, suddenly remembering that it was time for piano lessons with Grandpa, the steps on the porch creaked with his weight as he ran, and he took pride in growing a tad bigger this year, Grandpa laughed, saying that it was fine if Levi kept playing around because that was what children did, but Levi wanted to play the piano, wanted to feel the ivory keys underneath his fingers, the crack on the fifth key toward the end of the left side, the music bouncing up, and up, and up, until it reached the worn and faded black-and-white pictures of Grandpa’s brothers and sisters hanging on the wall above, and Mom had said that maybe one day, Levi would have brothers and sisters too, so he’d have to stop fooling around, be responsible, not eat all the blueberries till he felt sick.

And Levi came back as silence returned to the car once more. He sat there, in a strange feeling of peace as the end of the song hummed pleasantly at the back of his mind.

“So,” Eren said. “What do you think?”

Levi stared at Eren. “It’s really good.”

“Really? Is it really?”

“Yeah.”

Eren dug his hands through his hair. “That’s good. I wasn’t so sure about this one because I played around with the original arrangement a little bit, and I thought the end was a little awkward and I don’t feel like I’m a good judge of my music right now after all of those things my teacher said—”

“Hey.” Levi wasn’t going to say it, but he felt like he should. “I don’t know a lot about good music, but,” and here, he paused, wondering how to word his thought. “Your music—it’s special.”

Eren’s eyes were filled with shock, and Levi turned his eyes upfront so that he could keep the courage to continue voicing his thoughts. “It’s bold. It reaches into my memories—” invasively, but Levi didn’t say that aloud, “and pulls out the most powerful emotions that go along with its pace. It’s—”

Levi swallowed, remembering how vivid his memories were. “It’s alive.”

As Levi watched the expression on Eren’s face turned tender, he thought about how Eren was very much like his music—undaunted and steadfast—like the first time that he had jumped into Levi’s life and fought to stay there. Levi was caught up in his fast pace, and for some reason, he didn’t want Eren to leave.

“Thanks,” Eren said, and Levi noticed how soft Eren looked with the colorful city lights dancing on his skin, his neck hunching into Levi’s coat to keep warm. “I really like playing music for you.”

“Is it that fun to play music for a middle-age man?” Levi scoffed, starting the car up so they could finally head to Mickey’s place. 

“It really is fun,” Eren said. “I don’t know. Usually when I play, people tell me that I’m good, but you—you look like you’re living through the music—I really don’t know how to describe it.”

Levi thought about how strongly his memories returned with Eren’s music. “You’re not wrong.”

“What?”

“Your music is powerful because it reminds me of my past,” Levi said. “I’m reliving my memories every time I hear you play.”

“Are they good memories?”

“Some of them,” Levi said and didn’t elaborate, thinking of his father’s funeral and his mother’s grief and his confusion.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Depends on what it is,” said Levi, feeling the trepidation creeping up his back. The tone of Eren’s voice implied that whatever Eren was going to ask him something invasive that he wouldn’t like to answer.

“Why did you stop playing the piano?”

“I told you,” Levi said. “I got sick of it.” They stopped at the red light, and Levi was very focused on watching it bled over his windshield to avoid Eren’s gaze.

“What’s the real reason?”

“What did I do to deserve this interrogation?” Levi asked, feeling his good mood quickly ebbed away.

“I’m just curious.”

“Well don’t be,” Levi said defensively.

“Sorry.”

The drive turned silent as street lights streaked past them, the bustling sound of the city muted to a soft murmur outside the glass. Levi drove to Mickey’s place on instinct alone, the noisiness and the bright lights dimmed to a calm darkness as they reached the residential area, and Levi stopped at Mickey’s apartment building before Eren could say, “We’re here.”

“So, umm, thanks,” Eren said as he absentmindedly rubbed his hand back and forth on his thigh. “This was fun.”

Levi nodded, and they both stared at each other, not sure what to say next. Without the topic of music, their conversation seemed to dry up, and Levi didn’t know how to make this less awkward than it was right now. 

“So—” Levi began, at the same time Eren said, “Would you—” They both stopped, waiting for the other to continue, but then when neither of them said anything, Levi gestured for Eren to finish his sentence.

“Would you like to come in?” Eren asked. “At least, until Mickey gets back?”

“Afraid to stay home alone?” Levi said. “How old are you now?”

Eren didn’t say it, but the look on his face clearly stated, _“Wow, don’t be a dick about this.”_ Instead, he said, “I want to play you one more song.”

When Levi didn’t reply, Eren quickly added. “You don’t have to of course, if you’re sick of my music already.”

Levi should go home. He should go home and take a shower, and then go to bed early. It was too late in the evening for him to be playing around when he had to go to work tomorrow, and today’s load of work had really taken a toll on him. Nevertheless, it would not be nice to leave Eren alone when Mickey’s whereabouts were unknown.

No.

That was a dangerous train of thought. Once he found an excuse, his mind quickly latched on to it, and justifications against his better judgment began to attack. It would be bad to leave Eren in the apartment alone. It would be—

Eren’s ring tone made both Eren and Levi jerked in their seats. Eren fumbled as he pulled his phone from his pocket, shooting Levi an apologetic look. Levi shook his head. It was fine.

“Hey Mickey?” Eren said, and Levi listened to Eren’s side of the conversation, feeling the strange rush cooling away as he found out that yes, Mickey was fine, and yes, he would be back in about twenty minutes, and yes, he was glad that Levi got Eren home safely, and since Levi was with Eren at this moment, he didn’t have to reply to Levi’s text.

The silence felt even more awkward after Mickey’s call, and they resumed staring at each other.

“I’d better head home,” Levi said.

“Right,” Eren nodded, seeming disappointed but not surprised. He reached for his backpack and said, “I’ll see you on Friday?”

“Yeah,” Levi said, watching Eren getting out of his car and trying not to feel disappointed…because there should be no reason why he should be disappointed. Eren gave him a small wave before he started walking back to the apartment complex, Levi’s eyes still following him even as he disappeared behind the doors. 

_Friday,_ Levi thought. _Friday was in two days._


	3. Chapter 3

This Friday was particularly unusual because Levi walked into Mickey’s café to Eren already on the piano. He tugged lightly at his tie and tried to smooth out the wrinkles on his shirt with his hands as he approached the counter for his usual tea. Mickey greeted him with the tea already prepared, and Levi asked, “What’s wrong with Eren?”

“What do you mean?” Mickey glanced at Eren, who was still focused very intensely on the piano. “There’s nothing wrong. Why?”

“Never mind,” Levi said, not wanting to say that Eren’s music was different from usual because he had only heard it for a grand total of three times. For all he knew, Eren could play completely differently when he wasn’t around.

Levi sipped his tea and listened silently, but the unease hummed in the back of his mind. He took another sip of tea to swallow it down, and he knew that there were many things he didn’t yet understand about Eren, but Levi listened to this song and felt Eren stumbling over a rocky uphill path, holes on the ground waiting for him to trip, but Eren walked on, fighting to keep himself upright. Levi watched the tense line of Eren’s back, each note another anchor that dragged his shoulders deeper into confusion. 

The song stopped, incomplete. Eren’s fingers remained glued on the keys, and Levi walked up to Eren, Mickey’s voice behind him, “What’s wrong, Eren?”

“Nothing,” Eren replied, turning around to look at Levi. He took one look at the expression on Levi’s face and said, “Was it that bad?”

“What’s wrong?” Levi asked instead.

Eren turned back to the piano.

When Levi grew tired of waiting for Eren’s answer, he nudged Eren’s shoulder, “Scoot over.” Eren did, albeit reluctantly, and Levi sat down next to him, his back to the piano as he watched the patrons of the café chattering softly. He couldn’t see Eren’s face, but he could feel the tension on Eren’s shoulder as he bumped against Eren’s arm. “Did something happen?”

“Nothing much,” Eren said, and Levi felt the crestfallen tilt of Eren’s head rather than saw it. 

“Did your piano teacher say something again?” Levi guessed.

“Yeah,” said Eren. “The usual. I’m just—” Levi turned to see Eren burying his face in his hands. “I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.”

“You need a break,” Levi suggested.

“No I don’t,” Eren said sullenly. “I need to figure out another arrangement. But I’ve worked so hard on the last one, and I really don’t want to start over, and it’s really frustrating—”

Levi rose to his feet. “Come on.”

“What?” 

Eren looked taken aback, and it would be comical had it not been for that fact that Eren was going to have a meltdown if he stayed here any longer mulling over his teacher’s criticism.

“Let’s get some fresh air,” Levi said.

“But—” Eren seemed like he was searching for a reason to decline, but then Mickey’s voice interrupted Eren. “Eren, maybe you should leave the piano for a while.”

Levi turned to Mickey, who had snuck up behind him at some point and said, “When was the last time that he went outside?”

“This afternoon,” Eren said, at the same time Mickey said, “For non-school related things? Wednesday.”

Wednesday was when Eren had dinner with Levi and his coworkers, and that hardly counted. “Do you even have friends?” Levi asked.

“I do!” Eren protested. “It’s just…they’re busy and stressed out with their own things, so we don’t hang out much during the week.”

“Alright.” Levi had heard enough. “Let’s go, kid.”

“I have to work on my arrangement.” Eren turned back to the piano, looking the more miserable than Levi had ever seen him at the piano. “I don’t have much time left—”

“Siting around inside hadn’t helped much, had it?” Levi pointed out.

Eren looked like he had an angry retort for that, but then Mickey said, “Now, Levi, he’s my nephew, and he’s only a kid. Don’t mess around.”

“I’m not trying to seduce your nephew,” Levi said. “And he’s not even your real nephew.”

That was enough to distract Eren from his frustration because he said, “I’m actually eighteen already.”

“That doesn’t matter because I’m not going to try anything,” Levi said. “I’m going to go out for a bit. Are you coming or not?”

“Where are you going anyway?” Eren asked, although he was already rising to his feet, looking curious. Mickey frowned and placed his hands on his hip. “Yeah, where are you taking him?”

“Just to the harbor,” Levi said.

“What about your tea?”

“I’ll have it to go.”

Mickey gave Levi a strange look.

“What?” Levi asked.

“Nothing.” Mickey shrugged. “It’s just the first time that I’ve seen you break a habit.”

“I don’t set up my life all in stone,” Levi said, feeling a little irritated that Mickey would think he was so inflexible. Levi went to the counter as Mickey walked behind the counter to pour Levi some tea in a paper cup. “I do break my habit occasionally.”

“You mean ‘never,’” Mickey said, pushing the paper cup toward Levi’s hand. “Anyway, I appreciate this. I really don’t know what to do with this kid sometimes because he refuses to listen.”

“I heard that!” Eren called out.

“Yeah, I was hoping you would,” Mickey mumbled, and Eren looked like he was going to stick his tongue out to Mickey, but he didn’t. “Please don’t try to do anything to him; he’s an innocent kid.”

“For the last time,” Levi sighed. “I’m not going to do anything, and I’m not interested. How many times do I have to say this before you get it through that thick brain of yours?”

“I know.” Mickey chuckled, his mustache twitching in the most annoying manner that Levi had ever seen on a mustache. “I just like to give you a hard time.”

“Have fun,” Mickey said. “Bring him back for dinner. I’m making curry.”

“Just for that, I’m going to take him to an Indian place to eat real curry instead,” Levi said dryly. He straightened his tie again before grabbing the cup of tea, and, gesturing Eren to follow him, he began to leave the comfortable atmosphere of the café onto the busy street once more, silently mulling over the fact that his usual peaceful Friday afternoon ritual was broken.

“Where are we going?” Eren had to jog to catch up to Levi, who had already made it to the intersection even with his short legs.

“Just out to the harbor, were you not listening?” Levi said. It had been years, actually, since he had gone to the harbor even though it was so close by. He’d driven past it every day though. It was strange walking down the busy street to the harbor, seeing some people in beachy clothes, colorful sundresses, cargo shorts, flip flops tapping against the concrete, even though it was autumn because it had been so long since he had taken a bit of time to take a walk like this. The sun was bright, and it was only slightly chilly.

This felt nice.

Of course, Eren had to give Levi his unwanted opinion. “God, your idea for a date is so lame,” Eren said. His shoulder shook a little as the wind passed by, and Levi noticed that he was only in a T-shirt, again.

“Do you not own any jacket?” Levi asked. “And it’s not a fucking date,” he added as an afterthought.

“It’s sunny,” Eren said. “I’ll be fine.” He completely ignored Levi’s afterthought.

“It’s November,” Levi pointed out. “What happen to the coat I lent you?”

“I’m not going to wear a heavy coat every day,” Eren said. “Do you want it back?”

“Whenever you want to bring it back is fine.”

“Alright,” Eren said. Levi told himself that he didn’t feel bad to see that Eren was shivering a little in the autumn wind. Besides, the kid needed this lesson. He would remember to bring his own jacket next time. 

Levi lasted about two more blocks before he shrugged off his blazer at a stop light and handed to Eren. “Kid, remember to bring your shit next time.”

“If I do remember then I won’t be able to steal your clothes,” Eren said and quickly snatched the blazer from Levi’s hand and pulled it over his shoulders before Levi changed his mind. When Eren noticed that Levi was staring at him, he frowned. “What?”

Levi looked away and promptly crossed the street as the pedestrian light flashed. For some reason, his clothes seemed to suit Eren, and Levi wondered if Eren cleaned up nicely in a suit, but he wasn’t going to say that aloud.

“What is it?” Eren was insistent in being his annoyingly nosy self. “Do I look that bad?”

“All you need is a stupid scarf and a pair of obnoxious glasses and you’ll be a hipster,” Levi said, pointedly ignoring answering Eren’s question directly.

“I’m not sure what you mean,” Eren said. “But I’ll take it as a compliment.”

Levi snorted in amusement. “You’re quite something, alright.”

“I will also take that as a compliment.” Eren grinned, and Levi felt something tugging at the corners of his lips. If Eren caught his half-assed attempt to prevent himself from smiling, he didn’t say anything about it.

They heard the festive clattering of people before they saw the crowded harbor decorated with balloons and colorful booths that extended through several blocks of streets. Smoke from barbeques rose and curled in the air, and Levi could smell really good deep-fried chicken and piping hot kettle corn. Children with rainbow paint streaked across their faces and neon glitter on their brows ran from the face-painting booth, screaming excitedly as they tugged at their parents hands toward the game booths. It looked like a fair, and before Levi could ask if Eren wanted to walk to another part of the harbor that was less crowded, Eren asked excitedly, “Could we stop by the cotton candy booth?”

“Why not,” Levi said and felt glad that the festivity seemed to smooth away the worried lines on Eren’s forehead.

They stood in line for a long time before Eren could get his cotton candy, but by the time it was Eren’s turn, the vendor had ran out of change for a twenty.

“I got it,” Levi said, handing the grateful vendor a ten before Eren could protest.

“I’ll pay you back,” Eren said, although Levi honestly didn’t mind if Eren didn’t.

“Don’t,” Levi said, watching Eren stuffing his face with fluffy pink sugar fondly. “It’s not a big deal.”

“I actually do have a part time job,” Eren said. “I’ll pay you back.”

“What job?”

“I helped Mickey out Monday to Thursday and Saturday,” Eren said. “And Sunday sometimes, when he’s out. I mean, I don’t want to ask my parents for spending money since they paid for my room and board. Mickey was really mad when they did that since he thought of us as family, but my parents wouldn’t take no for an answer.”

“He’ll find a way to pay them back,” Levi said, remembering the kind of person that Mickey was.

“Probably,” Eren said. He lifted the bright pink cotton candy stick toward Levi. “Do you want some?”

“No.” Levi shook his head.

“Come on, just a bite,” said Eren. “You did pay for it.”

“I’m not eating that,” Levi said.

“Do you think you’re too cool for cotton candy?” Eren laughed and then took another bite. There was dark pink sugar congealing at the corner of his lips, and Levi tapped a finger on the corner of his own lips.

“You have something here.”

“Where?” Eren wiped his lips but managed to miss the spot completely.

“Here.”

“Where?”

“Right there.”

“Where?”

How Eren missed the spot after wiping his mouth three times, Levi didn’t know. Finally, his patience ran out and he reached out his own thumb to wipe it away himself.

“There,” Levi said triumphantly as the dark pink stained disappeared, and even though his thumb was slightly sticky, and it was kind of gross, this didn’t feel too bad. He could wash it off when they stopped by the public restroom, and—

And what he did must have been strange because Eren was staring at him.

“What?” Levi asked, even though he had a feeling why Eren was staring. His own face felt warm.

“Nothing,” Eren turned hastily away, although still held the cotton candy out for Levi. “Hey, do you want—” Eren began, but when he turned to face Levi, his words drifted off as he stared wide-eyes at Levi, who leaned in and slowly took a bite of the candy, looking up at Eren through his eyelashes. Levi wasn’t being particularly obscene about it, but Eren couldn’t look away from Levi’s lips, and he had the most interesting expression on his face when Levi licked his lips slowly and pulled back.

“Not bad,” Levi said. He had forgotten how much he enjoyed sweet food.

Eren swallowed and didn’t meet Levi’s eyes.

“I want kettle corn,” Levi said, still wanting something sweet. They left for the popcorn booth, but Eren kept falling behind. They walked along the busy streets, looking at the various both without wanting to do any particular thing. When they passed the face-painting booth, Levi said, “Do you want to face-paint as well?”

“I’m not a kid,” Eren said, sounding more frustrated than before.

“I was kidding,” said Levi. He was about to suggest that if they were done here, both with the food and with the sightseeing, then they should walk to the quieter side of the harbor, when he realized that Eren was no longer by his side. “Eren?”

Eren had stopped and was looking off to a small crowd gathered in front of a pizza place across the street.

“What are you looking at?” Levi asked, and then he received his answer when piano music started playing, coming from that crowd. A few people left and Levi could see that there was an old piano placed along the wall right outside of the pizza place. Someone was playing, playing well; Levi didn’t particularly liked the song, but it was skillfully played.

Eren and Levi stood there, in the middle of the street, watching as the man played, his felt hat bobbing with his every movement. The song ended with the crowd clapping enthusiastically, and when the man left with his group of friends as someone else sat in his place that Levi realized it was a piano placed for public use. 

Levi understood.

“Do you want to play?” Levi asked.

“I don’t know,” Eren said. “I don’t know what I could play.” However, as reluctant as Eren sounded, he was looking anxiously at the piano, itching to play.

“It doesn’t matter to them,” Levi said. “They’re not your piano teacher. Don’t worry about it. If you want to play, then play.”

“But I don’t know what to play,” Eren said.

“You could ask for requests,” Levi said, seeing Eren’s resolve slowly cracking away. “People like it when you play songs for them.”

“Do you like it when I play songs for you?” Eren asked, and Levi almost wanted to hit himself because he walked straight into that one.

Honestly was the best policy, so, “Yeah,” Levi said. “I like it. Now go up there and volunteer to play.”

“Alright,” Eren said, smiling away more than he should at Levi’s words. “Any request?”

“My request is that you stop hovering here and go play the stupid piano already.” Levi waved him away, and hopefully Eren would leave before he saw the weird expression that Levi must have been making right now.

“Okay okay,” Eren said as they headed to piano, where a little boy with clumsy fingers were doing a few random keys on the piano, probably just for fun as his friends laughed among themselves.

When he seemed bored of the piano, Eren asked, “Can I use it after you?”

The boy shrugged and got off the seat. “I don’t know how to play anyway.”

All the adults left when the middle schoolers took over the piano, so that was the audience that Eren had when he got in front of the piano. Then, taking Levi’s advice, he asked the kids, “Do you guys have any song that you like for me to play?”

The kids looked at each other.

“Can you play “What Makes You Beautiful” by One Direction?” One of the girls said.

Levi frowned. He didn’t recognize that song. Well, whatever the kids listened to these days, probably. After one person spoke up, the others followed, gaining courage after her, and began to list all the songs that they wanted Eren to play until Eren raised both of his hands, “Wait, guys…”

“Maybe you could play a little part of every song?” Levi suggested. He’d probably recognized them all if he heard them because Auruo liked to blast the popular music radio when everyone had to stay late in the office.

“Right.” Eren turned to the kids. “I can’t play all of those songs at once, but I can play a little bit of each; is that alright?”

A medley. Interesting.

The kids didn’t seem to care as long as Eren played something for them, so Eren didn’t receive any objection.

“Are you sure you don’t have any request, Levi?” Eren asked as he sat down. “Last chance.”

“Just worry about what’s on your plate right now.”

“Your loss.”

Eren’s demeanor changed as soon as he faced the piano, fingers on the keys. Levi watched Eren, really watched him this time, as Eren began the first few notes of the song that Levi immediately remembered from Hanji’s off-key singing when she drove him to her daughter’s piano recital. “You don’t know-oh-oh! You don’t know you’re beautiful,” Hanji had sung, and Levi had rolled his eyes and pray that the song be over quickly, “I know I’m fucking beautiful, now stop singing.” Levi didn’t remember what the song was even about, but each playful note was Hanji’s giggle bouncing on the dashboard, the spots of sunlight dancing on his skin, the city passing by in a steady stream outside his window, and then the music softened as Levi remembered that it had been a long time since he’d seen Hanji, that he had missed her, missed her smiles and her laughs and her bad jokes and her waving arms in excitement, and Levi had looked at Hanji then, “It’s good to see you.”

And then Eren tugged Levi along, and Levi waved good bye at Hanji before tip toeing to the sterile glass door, peaking out to see his past self leaning against metal railing, his cell phone cold in his fingers, thinking about calling home but he couldn’t, and he didn’t, but he wanted to call home, the winter air was cold but standing inside made him felt sick, and he wanted to go home, but he was so far away, and he didn’t want to call his house and have no one pick up, or even worse, calling his house and having his mom on the other end, “Levi, is that you?” or maybe it wouldn’t be his mom but a complete stranger’s voice, his mom’s new boyfriend maybe, and Levi rather had nothing at all.

_“Let’s go.”_

The music gently pried Levi’s hand from the railing, and they began walking fast, faster, faster, until they broke unto a jog, and then a skip, and so Levi skipped, it was alright, things were alright, Levi believed it, his apartment was cozy, rain knocking on the glass window, and Levi’s own face stared back, it had been years now but he remained strong, the reflection looking back at him was someone he was satisfied with, not happy, but it was enough.

The song grew tender, and then Levi felt something prickling curiously at his skin. He blinked awake, Eren was looking at him, and then Eren smiled, his green eyes crinkling with warmth, and the music note fluttered in Levi’s chest, Eren waiting for him to come at the café, brightening as soon as Levi walked through the door, “I like to play the piano for you,” Levi felt warmed at those words, Eren tentatively asked Levi about his past, and Levi had wanted to tell him but didn’t. Yet Eren was still here. Eren’s gaze was dark as he looked at Levi as if he wanted to kiss him, every note felt like a feathery touch on Levi’s skin, running from a caress on his cheek down to his neck, a finger trailing down his arm, and then Levi felt a soft kiss on wrist, over his racing pulse. 

Levi swallowed.

The music came to a stop, but Eren still kept his eyes on Levi.

The clapping pulled both of them back into reality.

“That was really good!”

“Wow!”

The kids chattered excitedly, and at some point in the middle of Eren’s playing, more people had gathered as well. They all crowded around Eren as Levi stealthily squeezed through the people and snuck out. 

Levi let out a slow breath as he watched Eren thanking everyone for their kind words. It took a long time, but it still felt too short for Levi because by the time Eren walked up to him, Levi was still not prepared to face Eren.

“So,” Eren said.

“So…” Levi said. They tore their gazes from their shoelaces to look at each other. 

“That was—”

“It was—”

They both stopped.

“You go first,” Eren said.

“I’m guessing the last song was some stupid love song?” Levi said.

“Uh, yeah,” Eren said, sounding like he was a little thrown off by what Levi had said, and Levi was curious to know what Eren had wanted to say. When Eren didn’t say anything, Levi nudged him.

“Well?”

“What happened?” Eren blinked.

“Well, what did you want to say?” Levi asked.

“Nothing,” Eren said. “Let’s, ummm, go to the quieter side of the harbor?”

“Alright,” Levi said, not wanting to push the topic when Eren clearly looked like he didn’t want to talk about it anymore.

The sound of the festivities slowly faded away behind them, and the awkwardness between them slowly diluted to nearly nothing as they walked in silence. Eren was watching the numerous ships anchored in the harbor, the wind ruffling his hair, and he seemed much more relaxed than when he was in the café. He turned to Levi when he felt Levi’s gaze on him.

“Feeling better?” Levi asked.

“Yeah,” Eren said. “I’m glad I came out. I’m always around the area, but it has been a long time since I actually walk out to the harbor.”

“Same,” Levi said. The air was salty and fishy, but calming. Besides, it was fun to make a game out of avoiding seagull shit on the sidewalk and railings.

“I’m sorry,” Eren said.

“Why?” Levi watched as Eren shoved his hands in the jacket pockets, his shoulders hunched in a slight slouch.

“For making you come out here? I didn’t even get to play you a song today.”

“I got to see you play earlier.” Levi shrugged. “That’s enough. Besides, you’re the one that had a shitty day.”

A pair of roller skaters came rushing by, and Eren stumbled on his feet as he tried to avoid them. Levi caught easily him by the arm.

Eren’s face was a nice shade of red as he steadied himself back to his feet. “I’m fine, thanks.”

“Good.”

They spotted a bench overlooking the harbor, and Eren suggested that they took a break there, and Levi would have refused because who knew what kind of crap got on those public benches, but sure, he could endure it for one day just for Eren. Eren better be grateful. Luckily, there was no bird shit on the bench, and it didn’t look too dirty.

Levi internally winced as Eren slumped on the bench right away. Clean as it seemed, Levi wasn’t going to risk it, so he sat as close to the edge as his ass would allow and avoided the back rest entirely.

Eren chuckled.

“What?” Levi asked.

“You’ll be mad if I say it.”

“If you say that, then it’s obvious that you want to tell me anyway,” Levi rested his elbows on his knees as he glared at Eren without heat. “Spit it out.”

“I like how you’re sitting close to the edge of the seat just so that your feet would touch the ground,” Eren laughed, and Levi smacked his arm, “Oww,” but Eren was still laughing, as if Levi’s consciousness about his height was the funniest thing in the world.

“Oi, it’s not actually because of that,” Levi said irritably. “Hey, stop laughing. I don’t actually care about my height.”

“Sure,” Eren said, in a tone that implied that he didn’t really believe Levi, but at least he wasn’t laughing anymore because Levi would have shove him off the chair.

Levi contemplated smiling, but decided against it.

“Anyway.” Eren looked down at his folded hands on his lap. “Thanks for taking me out today.”

“You look like you needed it.” Levi had just realized how large Eren’s hands were, how long his fingers could reach, and he made a note to watch Eren’s hands moving on the piano keys more closely next time. “Your piano teacher seems to be tough on you.”

“It’s…it’s not his fault,” Eren sighed, and he leaned forward to place his elbows on his knees as well, so that his face was next to Levi’s. “I’ve been messing up the piano, and he notices it.”

“You sound great on the piano to me,” Levi said.

“It’s different with you,” Eren said. “I don’t know. I’ve been putting on months trying to get these pieces right for my application, trying to get every detail, and even though I’ve played for a few teachers at school to get their opinion, and they said that my pieces were fantastic, I don’t….I don’t feel right.”

“I go home and I think about these pieces, I go to school and I think about them, I spend every waking moment trying to figure out what’s wrong, but I couldn’t.” Eren ran his hand through his hair as he sighed in frustration. “My teacher probably senses my doubt and calls me out on it. He’s been helping me, but it’s not working.”

“Everyone keeps telling me that I’m doing well, but I don’t believe it, you know? Everyone keeps saying that the pieces are good, that I’m good, and then I just feel bad because there is something wrong and I can’t fix it.” Eren said.

Levi could imagine how difficult it was for Eren even if he couldn’t understand. He could see Eren working to get every small thing right, but at the same time, he couldn’t see it either because the Eren that he got to see was spontaneous, the Eren that he had listened to could come up with an arrangement on instinct alone, the Eren that looked so happy that the people at the fair liked what he played, Eren’s eyes burning when he saw Levi’s reaction to his music, and Levi knew that Eren had believed those people at the fair then when they complimented his music, and Levi knew that Eren believed him too, if his tailing after Levi every week was any indication.

“What makes me different?” Levi asked.

“I don’t know how to describe it,” Eren said. “You’re…when I arrange pieces for you, I feel…free. I feel like I could be creative. I would try to think about what kind of things you would like and I would have a million ideas and I would want to do them all.”

Levi found that it was difficult to look away from Eren now just as it had been back then, every time Eren had that spark of creativity in his mind, and Levi would want to see more of it. Perhaps he was the one that wanted to come back to that café every week.

“Do you believe me when I tell you that I really like your music?” Levi asked.

“Yeah,” Eren said softly. “Thank you for keep coming back.”

Levi had a strange thought, as Eren watched the ships gliding through the water before them, that he wouldn’t mind coming back for however long it took for Eren to regain his muse. All he wanted was to keep listening to the kind of music that Eren wanted to play.

Levi kept those thoughts to himself, however, as they sat side by side, enjoying each other’s presence.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren and Levi talked about their friends and a little bit about Levi’s past.

The worst part about having a friend like Erwin Smith was dealing with Erwin’s blunt and precise way of pointing out Levi’s personal flaw. Erwin was his best friend, closer to him than Hanji even, which was why Levi allowed Erwin to say these things, but that didn’t make hanging out with Erwin feel any less painful than being mauled alive by a lion. Take for example, today, as Erwin promptly announced over a his bite of linguine with shrimp scampi that he knew a colleague who didn’t mind being dragged into Erwin’s matchmaking scheme for Levi.

Levi swallowed down his own bite of shrimp alfredo in order to stall for time as he considered his wording carefully. Unfortunately he wasn’t very eloquent. “I’m not interested.”

Well, it was a lot more polite than anything else Levi had said to Erwin in the past regarding this topic.

“I’m sure you said the same thing every night to yourself over reheated take-out from the day before while watching TV all alone,” said Erwin. A sip of white wine. “Nile can cook.”

That name sounded awfully familiar. Levi scanned his memories for all the stupid company events that Erwin sometimes dragged him to, and he couldn’t match that name to any face.

“Nile Dawk,” Erwin added helpfully, as if the stranger’s last name would somehow magically trigger a memory of a face to Levi.

“So I’ve met him before,” Levi muttered to himself, already knowing that. He tapped his fork on the edge of the plate in the way he knew annoyed the heck out of Erwin, but Erwin seemed unfazed. “Perhaps he didn’t really make an impression—”

“Oh he definitely left an impression on you,” Erwin said, a quirk of his lips sending flashes of warnings through Levi’s mind. 

The problem with _memorable_ impressions was that it had to be either extremely bad or extremely good for Levi to remember, and while Levi didn’t recall the random events that Erwin dragged him to, he did know that most of them left a less than desirable impression on him. Most likely this “Nile Dawk” character was somebody that Levi wouldn’t enjoy eating dinner with.

“I don’t remember,” Levi said, hoping that he could somehow dodge the topic.

“You remember,” Erwin said, in his infuriating commanding voice that implied if he wanted it to be so, Levi would remember. “You’ve met him last spring, when I had to give a presentation about our new collaboration with—”

“No.”

“You don’t remember? He’s—”

“No.” Levi shook his head. “I do remember him. You’re right—he did make an impression—but I meant ‘no, I don’t want to go to dinner with him.’” In fact, Levi rather that Nile Dawk didn’t make an impression at all, or preferably, that Erwin didn’t bring him up in conversation ever.

“Why not?” Erwin asked, putting down his utensils and folding his hands under his chin in the typical Smith thinking pose that Levi knew he inherited from his father, who Levi had the unfortunate chance of meeting over the holidays when they went to school together. “He has a stable career, high enough on the chain so chance of relocation is low. He’s probably going to stay around the area. He can cook. And when I mention you to him he doesn’t even look very disagreeable.”

“Great,” Levi said drily. “Such qualifications. Your expectations are so high if ‘doesn’t hate Levi’ counts as a requirement for my life partner.”

“You can’t blame me for that,” said Erwin. “You’re not easy to get along with.”

This was precisely what Levi meant about Erwin mindlessly pointing out his flaws.

“But I’m difficult to deal with as well,” Erwin continued, picking up his fork and resuming eating once more. “So we’re even.”

And this was precisely why Levi was still friends with Erwin.

“But Nile Dawk is a definite no,” Levi said firmly. “He’s a typical privileged upper-middle-class-private-school brat, and I hate him.”

“I’m a typical privileged upper-middle-class-private-school brat,” Erwin pointed out. “And we’re still friends.”

“There is obviously a reason why we’re not fucking,” Levi said, and Erwin gave him a sharp look. Levi knew that he had gone too far, so he backed off. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

“I’m going to leave his number with you.” Erwin completely brushed off Levi’s harsh words without a blink. He reached into his wallet for a business card and slid it across the table, flipping the back of the card to Levi, where a hastily scribbled number was underlined in black gel ink. “Call him if you want. But if you don’t want to, it’s fine. I just want to tell you that he’s also looking for someone—”

“I’m not looking for anyone,” Levi corrected him.

“My bad,” Erwin said, even though Levi didn’t think he meant it at all. “The number is there if you want it.”

“I don’t want it,” Levi said, although he did take the card from Erwin and put it into his own wallet.

“That’s fine, but you’ll still have it in case you change your mind. It’s not like you’re seeing anyone right now anyway.”

When Levi didn’t make a comeback, Erwin stared at him. An awkward moment of silence passed between them, and Erwin frowned. “Levi, do you have—”

“No,” Levi said hastily, not quite understanding why he was thinking about Eren of all people. He barely knew Eren. Eren was a kid. A kid who played the piano. Mickey’s nephew. That was all. “I’m not seeing anyone.” 

“If you’re too embarrassed to tell me, then you don’t have to.” Erwin lifted his shoulders slightly in a way that would have make Levi seemed like a petulant child if he tried it, but on Erwin it seemed like _he_ was a long suffering adult who had to deal with Levi’s childish antics. “I will tell you that it’s ridiculous.”

“I’m not seeing anyone.”

“Alright, I understand.”

The topic was dropped, but Levi knew that Erwin’s brain was filing this little detail away in his head. Sometimes he hated how well Erwin knew him. Sometimes he was glad for it, but this was not one of those times.

“I’ll think about calling Nile Dawk,” Levi said.

“You should call him if you want to,” Erwin said gently. “But you don’t have to do it to hide the fact that you have someone you like already from me.” Erwin gave him significant look, and Levi returned his attention to his own plate of food.

“I don’t have anyone I like right now,” Levi said firmly. 

“I understand.” Erwin nodded and smoothly changed the topic of conversation to something else.

That was Levi’s wonderful Monday.

***

With the fantastic start of the week, Levi was ready for Friday. By the time he walked into Mickey’s café however, he found Eren hovering around the counter with a cup of coffee. He walked up to Eren’s side, wondering what a kid like Eren needed to do that he had to have a caffeine dose on a Friday afternoon. He didn’t bother to hold that thought back.

“Aren’t you too young to live on caffeine already?” Levi said before taking the seat next to Eren, nodding at Mickey who slid the cup of tea to him, just as Eren mumbled, “Hi Levi.”

Mickey shot Levi a look. Levi shrugged.

“I saw that,” Eren said. “I’m fine.”

“It’s the illness of the heart,” Mickey shook his head pitifully, making a show of spreading both of his arms dramatically. Neither Eren nor Levi was impressed.

“It’s not like that with Mikasa!” Eren scowled.

“She got a boyfriend,” Mickey explained to Levi, who was slowly putting the pieces together with so little information. Levi didn’t know who Mikasa was, but he assumed that she was a girl that Eren liked, and apparently the news of her dating someone crushed Eren so much that he had resorted to sulking in a corner and pretending to preserve his adultness by sipping some coffee.

Levi, rather than dwelling on this, was busy feeling a momentary embarrassment because he was under the impression that Eren was interested in him, in well, _that_ way. He quickly pushed that aside, however, telling himself that this was the preferable situation. Besides, he didn’t know what he would even do if Eren did show interest. It was still a little embarrassing though. And…strangely very disappointing and disheartening to find out.

“That’s too bad,” Levi said, partially referring to Eren’s situation and partially to his own internal predicament.

“I don’t like Mikasa. She’s like a sister to me!” Eren protested with the flushing red face of a boy being caught with his secret crush, and he slammed his hands on the table when Mickey gave Levi a knowing look. “I saw that!”

“Alright,” Levi sighed long-sufferingly even though most of the suffering was happening on Eren’s side. “I’ll bite. What’s up with Mikasa?” _Who was Mikasa?_

“His crush since the ninth grade,” Mickey supplied unhelpfully.

“ _Best friend_ since the ninth grade,” Eren corrected him, irritated. “And I don’t have an ‘illness of the heart,’ jeez Mickey, who even says that anymore?”

Levi had to agree.

“And nothing is wrong with me,” Eren said. “If anything is wrong, it’s Mikasa’s brain—”

“Hey there,” Mickey interjected. “There’s no need for that.”

“Mikasa is dating _horse-face_ ,” Eren explained to Levi with very little actual explaining involved because it wasn’t general knowledge who horse-face was. Levi guessed that was Mikasa’s romantic interest and Eren’s rival. “I don’t know what she’s thinking. She can totally do better!”

“With you?” Mickey snorted, and Levi said, “It’s your turn to stop, Mickey Mouse,” as Eren’s face became stormy.

“And if you have a problem with this.” Levi turned to Eren. “There’s a simple solution.”

Both Eren and Mickey looked at Levi.

“Tell Mikasa this yourself,” Levi said.

“No,” said Eren.

“Your loss.” Levi returned his attention to his cup of tea.

Eren was shifting uncomfortably next to Levi, jittering with worry and irritation and possibly too much caffeine, and Levi was determined to let him be alone with his teenage angst. He also silently scolded Mickey for giving Eren caffeine in the first place.

Levi lasted about five minutes before he caved in. “So why can’t you talk to Mikasa?” Levi dug into his limited knowledge of the people in Eren’s life that he had just found out fifteen minutes ago. He didn’t have a lot at his disposal. “She’s your best friend right?”

Right. ‘Best friend.’

“Yeah,” Eren mumbled. “But I can’t butt in her life choices like that.”

“You’re her best friend,” Levi said, thinking of Erwin’s constant decision to annoy him. “It’s your job to do that.”

“I can’t,” Eren tucked a hand under his chin and pouted. “Just a few days ago, I told her to stop smothering me and mind her own business. I can’t be a hypocrite. Urg, it’s like she’s getting revenge against me.”

Suddenly, Levi couldn’t stop thinking about Erwin. Erwin, who refused to remain silent when he thought Levi was doing something stupid; Erwin, who gave Levi an unamused look when things got too hard and Levi began to think about quitting even though he was so close to the finish line; Erwin, who bluntly told Levi exactly what he thought about Levi not wanting to face his own mother; Erwin, who offered Levi his house for the holidays because Levi didn’t want to come home, even though he thought Levi’s plan to avoid his mother was the dumbest thing he had ever heard. Erwin, who butted in Levi’s life because he was worried, who hated Levi’s flaws but accepted him and loved him anyway. 

“It’s alright to talk to your best friend, Eren,” Levi said.

“But she’s so happy, you know?” Eren sighed. “I don’t…I don’t want to be an asshole and ruin things for her. But he’s such a pretentious ass and he’s—Fuck, I’m really being an asshole now, right?”

“I’m not saying that you should tell her to stop seeing…horse-face,” Levi said, for lack of a better word. For all he knew this boy could be perfectly nice and attractive. “But it’s fine to tell your friend that you’re worried about her. It’s normal to doubt your friend. You can’t be close to someone if you never question them.”

“We’re _best friends_!” Eren said defensively, and Levi sighed. “I’m not saying you guys are not close friends. I’m saying that it’s fine to show concern to people you care about, just to remind them that you’re thinking of them, alright? People don’t always show all of their feelings and anxieties on the surface, and you can’t just take their words for it all the time and call yourself friends.” He nudged Eren’s shoulder with his own. “You’re not being an asshole here.” 

“Okay,” Eren said, not sounding very convinced. “It’s just that she looks very happy, you know? And I don’t want to talk shit about her boyfriend. It’s just…not something you do.”

“It’s not,” Levi agreed. He tapped his finger against the side of the cup, pondering over his words once more. “I can’t tell you what the right thing to do is. That’s entirely up to you.”

Eren groaned, and Levi fought back a smile. There were certainly times that Erwin’s inputs in Levi’s life were unwelcomed, but there were also times when Erwin was right, not that Levi would ever admit that, and all the things that Erwin had done for him, annoying or not, made him feel just that less lonely.

“I’m going to sound like a nagging mother if I tell Mikasa,” Eren said, sounding quite horrified. Then, as if something just occurred to him, he hastily turned to Levi. “Oh man, I’m really sorry for dumping personal stuff on you again—”

“It’s fine,” Levi said. He didn’t mind at all.

“It must be boring, listening to me ranting—”

“It isn’t.”

“And I promised that I would find more songs for you—”

“It doesn’t matter—” But Eren already leaned down to reach for his backpack on the floor. “Okay, less about me and more music.”

Levi honestly didn’t mind if they talked more about Eren, and that was a first. He usually didn’t enjoy random chattering about someone else’s life, but he was okay with Eren’s. “It’s okay if you just want to talk.”

Eren was in the middle of riffling through his backpack which he had placed on his lap when he looked up and stared at Levi. Levi backtracked, wondered if he had said anything strange. “It’s okay if you don’t want to talk.”

“No, I like it when we talk,” Eren said. He looked down at his backpack. “Yeah, you too.”

“What?”

“It’s fine if you want to tell me things too,” Eren said. “I don’t—I’m not a good listener, but I don’t mind if we talk.”

“Oh, alright.”

Awkward silence came in between them. Levi took a sip of his forgotten tea, which was now lukewarm.

Eren scratched the back of his neck.

“Umm, can I ask for your number?” Eren fiddled with the zipper of his backpack.

“What?”

“I mean, in case I need someone to talk to,” Eren said. “It’s not…weird for you, right?”

“It’s not,” Levi lied. It was completely weird because Eren didn’t know him that well, but the weirder thing was that Levi didn’t mind giving Eren his number, and before Levi knew it, Eren had already fished out his cellphone and waited for Levi expectantly. Levi couldn’t exactly say, “Nah, I changed my mind.”

Levi gave Eren his number, and Eren typed it in his phone. He gave Levi a test call, and sure enough, the phone from Levi’s pocket rang.

“Now you also have my number,” Eren said cheerfully, and Levi had a strange feeling that Eren had just pulled him into something that he didn’t quite understand. It left him feeling lightheaded and his heart thumping strangely in his chest, and the feeling didn’t leave even when Eren added his unwanted comment. “You have a very boring ringtone.”

“It just rings,” Levi said. “I don’t need a fancy sound to know that someone is calling me.” He concentrated his effort into sounding irritated because Eren’s smile was _weird_. It was… _distracting_ , for lack of a better word. It made Levi felt funny inside, his chest stretching tight like a balloon with too much air.

“I could get you a better ringtone,” Eren offered.

“Just focus on the song you’re going to play today,” Levi said, trying to tear his eyes away from Eren’s beaming face and failing. “It’s enough.”

“Umm, right, the music sheet,” Eren said, suddenly remembering what he set out to do and pulling out a folder from his backpack.

“Yeah,” Levi said. “Music.” He toyed with the handle of his cup while Eren took out the music sheet to show him.

“It’s one of my mother’s favorite,” Eren said.

Levi only had to look at the sheet once before he said softly, memories hovering on the back of his eyes. “It’s one of my mother’s favorite too.”

“Have you played this song when you were younger?” Eren asked curiously.

“I have, but it was so long ago,” Levi said, tracing his fingers over his favorite parts, worn down black ink on old paper, corners curling upward. “I used to play it with Mom every summer before Grandpa passed away. She doesn’t actually like the piano, but she loves her father, and she,” Levi nearly hesitated but Eren didn’t notice, “loved me, so she would play sometimes.” 

“Your mom’s father is the person who taught you the piano, right?”

“Yeah,” Levi said. “He was the only grandfather that I had. My dad grew up in a single-mom home.”

“I’m sorry for making you bring this up,” Eren said.

“No, it’s fine,” Levi said. “It is what it is, right? And I had a good childhood.”

Eren slapped his fists down, the cups on the counter shook with his excitement, and Levi could see the moment that an idea flashed through Eren’s mind. “Do you want to play this song with me? To commemorate your childhood? I mean, I can’t take your mother’s place, but it’ll be fun?”

“No.” Levi looked away, his heart twisting in knots. “Some memories are better left untouched.”

“Oh.” Eren’s voice was soft. “I didn’t mean to—”

“I’m fine, really,” Levi sighed long-sufferingly. “I’m not a piece of fragile glass, so stop looking at me like that. Just play the song already.”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to play another song?” Eren asked timidly, and Levi gave him a look.

“Just play the song,” Levi said, starting to feel irritated at being protected by someone half his age. “I want to hear _you_ play it, alright?”

When Eren looked unconvinced, Levi was tempted to smack the back of his head lightly the way he used to do to Erwin when Erwin was being particularly irritating. He decided against it, however, and turned on his chair to face Eren completely instead. “Look, my memories are just that—memories. They’re there. Some are important. Some are not. But I’m not going to let them prevent me from making new ones, do you understand?”

“Yeah, sorry.” Eren shook his head and took the music sheet from the table. “I just don’t know what the right thing to say is sometimes.”

“Neither do I,” Levi admitted, stopping himself from mentioning that Eren was only a kid and instead said, “and you’re only half my age. You’re not doing badly.”

Eren didn’t smile his usual wide, face-splitting smile. He smiled with the curve of his eyes and a small twitch of his lips. Levi caught it sometimes, this smile, when Eren secretly looked at him thinking that he wouldn’t notice, but Levi did of course, and when Levi turned to face Eren he would see that smile. It made Levi felt funny, that smile. 

“Just play the stupid piano,” Levi said, trying to regain his senses.

“The piano is not stupid,” Eren said, rising from his seat and walking to the piano. Levi chuckled into his shirt sleeve and turned it into a cough when he caught Mickey watching him.

“What?” Levi said, trying to sound like his usual grumpy self, but it was strangely difficult.

“Nothing,” Mickey said, leaning down to rest his elbows on the counter across from Levi. “I just thought that Eren isn’t the only one who seems happier these days.”

The assessment was so accurate that it made Levi felt unsettled, wondering if the feelings that were so confusing to him were obvious to everyone else. “Well, so it seems that Eren is happier. I don’t know how he was before, so I can’t tell.”

“I think he was lonely, being away from his parents,” Mickey said, and before Levi could be relieved that the topic shifted away from him, it came back. “Kind of like you.”

“We’re not the same,” Levi said, even though he knew what Mickey meant. Mickey must have known that he was treading on dangerous territory—no one ever mentioned Levi’s mom unless Levi brought her up, and even then the topic would only last for a few seconds—so he backed off immediately. He nodded in agreement and then turned to Eren, who had settled down in front of the piano, and Levi was grateful that.

The song began just as Levi took another sip of his now cold tea, and then it grew colder, colder, Levi’s reflection on the surface breaking into shards of glass, the gentle music knitting the pieces together into cubes of ice clinking against each other, tapping against the glass as he sat on the bench with bare feet swinging over the edge while his mother slurped the rest of her ice tea through a straw. She placed the cup on the floor once she was done, _clink clink_ went the remaining pieces of ice, and then they began, music floating up into the humid summer air, and Levi caught his mother’s laugh at the corner of his eyes.

It was warm, her laugh, like the late evening when they all sat out in the yard—dad, grandpa, mom, Levi squished between his parents—watching the blinking stars above, and then Grandpa would tell a story about him being a French soldier during World War II, Dad rolling his eyes because Grandpa told this same story every summer they visited, and Mom would smack Dad on the arm but Levi would be listening to Grandpa’s voice until he fell asleep. It was warm, her laugh, like Dad’s arms when he carried Levi to bed, Levi sleepy and cozy, falling asleep altogether to his parents’ hushed whispers and soft padding of feet against the wooden floor. It was warm, her laugh, like the summers and the holidays and sunny skies of Levi’s childhood, bright and unhindered by awaiting future clouds. It was warm, her laugh, the morning light piercing through the car window, the air was cool and the car was empty of his father’s presence for a year now, but Mom had promised that they would always be together, and Levi promised that he would be strong for them both. 

It ached, this warmth.

Levi felt the music thrumming under his skin and wished that his fingers were on the keys, that he could sit by Eren’s side even though he knew it wouldn’t be a good idea. Levi understood that if he did, he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from comparing this to the past, but it didn’t stop the regret creeping up his chest as Eren’s music spread underneath his skin. The past hovered there, clear as it had always been with every note that Eren played, but something else was there too. Levi wanted to speak to Eren’s music the way it spoke to him.

He wanted Eren to hear his voice.

Reality began to condense on the edge of his mind as the music slowed to a stop, the afterglow still rushing in his blood long after the music was gone, the loud, sudden clapping of the patrons in the café prickled on Levi’s skin like goose bumps.

Eren stepped from the piano and accepted the cheers, and then his eyes skipped across the crowd to meet Levi’s, his grin softening to that rare smile, as if Eren had been searching for Levi all along and finally found him.

Levi hated the hope blossoming inside him, bright like the golden daffodils in his old backyard that burst into bloom every spring like sunlight. The hope was infectious with want, and he reminded himself that Eren was only a kid, had feelings for his best friend, and was clearly out of Levi’s reach. It didn’t help.

“Do you like it?” Eren asked, and Levi struggled with his lack of words.

“Oh of course he loves it,” Mickey said. “He loves it so much that he couldn’t keep his eyes off you.”

“Really?” Eren looked too excited with this information, and Levi decided to remain silent and look disgruntled.

“I’m keeping an eye on you two,” Mickey pointed at them both.

“You’re embarrassing me,” Eren said, and Mickey laughed, “It’s my job as your uncle,” before heading off to tend to a customer.

“Did you like it?” Eren asked again.

“It’s different from what I’ve remembered,” said Levi, “but it’s not bad.”

“Did I play better than your mother?” Eren took the seat next to Levi once more and waved to a customer as she left, so he missed Levi’s slight frown.

“A lot better,” Levi said. “My mother didn’t play the piano much after she had me, and she played even less after Grandpa passed away,” and here, Levi’s voice dropped down to a whisper. “She stopped playing completely after my father passed away.” 

Eren looked like he was at a loss of what to say, and Levi mentally made a note not to blurt things out like this anymore.

“I had an unfair advantage then.” Eren chose to say.

“It’s not a competition,” said Levi.

“Did you—” Eren paused, then continued. “Did you stop playing the piano after your father’s death as well?”

“No,” Levi said, feeling raw inside. 

“Okay,” Eren said with an easy acceptance that rivaled Erwin, and Levi felt relieved.

“I ask too many questions sometimes,” Eren said.

“I’ve noticed,” said Levi. It’s difficult not to.

“I don’t mean any harm.”

“I know.”

Levi wanted to explain himself, but he couldn’t do that without pulling up things he didn’t want to bring into conversation. Before he could mull over this too much, however, Eren asked him.

“Can I have a sip of your tea?”

“Yeah.” Levi pushed his cup toward Eren, and Eren stared. “What?”

“Mickey said you’re a clean freak,” Eren said, looking at him incredulously.

“Were you testing me?” Levi frowned. “Wait, are you sick?”

“No, I’m not sick.”

“Alright, go for it if you want some tea.”

“I actually don’t want any,” Eren said. “Sorry, I was just wondering if you were going to say no.”

“I’m okay with people’s germs,” Levi said.

Eren looked like he wanted to tease Levi as he said, “You like people. Admit it.”

Levi glared. “Don’t jump into random conclusions.”

Eren didn’t look as if he would listen to Levi. “Alright, so where did the clean-freak thing come from?”

Levi turned to Mickey, who was hovering over the blenders. “Back when we were roommates, I only told Mickey that he couldn’t drink from my water bottle because if I do, he would never remember to bring his own.” That reminded Levi of the holiday trip with his mother’s new boyfriend, a _real_ clean freak, how that man wrinkled his nose as Levi gave his mother a sip of his milkshake.

 _Don’t think about it_ , Levi reminded himself.

“Besides, I had to be the bad guy,” Levi continued, shaking himself free of the memory. “Mickey’s clothes would start to mold.”

“That’s gross,” Eren agreed.

“Yeah,” Levi said. “At least the kitchen was always clean.”

“Because you guys didn’t cook?”

“We cooked.” Barely. “But the kitchen was clean because I was in charge of it.”

“You cook?” Eren asked incredulously, and Levi felt a strong need to defend his honor.

“I do cook,” Levi said, but then, when he thought about his eating habit lately, he corrected. “Just not these days. I’m always tired and cooking for one is boring.” This reminded Levi that tonight, he was going to return to another long bland dinner alone.

“Do you want to come over?”

“What?”

“If you’re tired of eating by yourself, then you could join Mickey and me for dinner.” Eren shrugged, as if it wasn’t a big deal at all.

Levi blinked at the sudden offer. It came out of nowhere, unexpected, but not completely out of the frame of their current conversation. If Eren was that clever to direct the conversation like that, then Levi would be impressed and…alarmed, but he didn’t think that was the case. More importantly though, Levi couldn’t stop latching on to the temptation of not spending another night by himself, and he badly wanted to accept.

Before he could give Eren his answer, Eren shouted to Mickey. “Hey uncle, is it alright if Levi comes over for dinner today so he doesn’t have to waste his life away like the lonely middle-age man that he is?”

Some of the patrons snickered, and Levi glared at Eren, who was completely unaffected.

“Sure,” Mickey replied. “I guess we could get two large pizzas instead of one.”

“Wait,” Levi said. “You guys don’t even cook either.”

“Never said we did.” Eren shrugged again, looking as if he had managed to catch Levi with a trap, and as Levi watched Eren’s devilish grin spread over his face, he had to admit that Eren definitely caught him.

Levi didn’t think he minded. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi stayed with Eren and Mickey for the night. Levi noticed that Eren might be interested in him.

Levi looked at the expanse of the empty café, dark shapes of chairs placed neatly on top of tables which Levi had helped Mickey and Eren before they swept the floor. The “closed” sign was flipped on the glass door, and Levi could see that the street was not as crowded as before, a few pedestrians in long coats laughing as they passed, probably heading to the cluster of restaurants not too far from here. Levi had never stayed in the café until it closed, and he didn’t realize how calming it was. A single light above the counter was on, and the rest of the café was bathed in darkness.

“I always thought it looks a little lonely,” Eren said, moving to stand next to Levi.

“It’s peaceful,” Levi said, thinking that it was so strange to see no one here when he was so used to this place being busy in the day.

“I can never get used to the silence,” Eren admitted, bending his elbows to rest his hands on the counter behind them. Levi attempted to do the same but realized that he was too short for it and gave up.

Next to him, Eren let out an amused snort.

“Shut up,” Levi said.

“Sorry,” Eren didn’t bother to hold back his chuckle, however, and Levi didn’t bother to scold him for it lest Eren decided to tease him further. Sure enough, Eren sobered up from the amusement with no additional fuel from Levi. “But don’t you think silence is lonely?”

Levi thought about it. “A little.”

Eren must have been waiting for Levi to elaborate because he looked at Levi curiously with a slight tilt of his head, but Levi’s lips thinned into silence. When he realized that Levi wasn’t going to say anything else on the topic, he looked at the empty café and said, “I prefer noises. It reminds me that everything is alive.”

Levi didn’t give Eren an indication that he was listening, but he was following Eren’s every word as Eren’s voice dipped slightly. “It’s almost too quiet sometimes, living with Mickey, because I’m so used to my parents scolding me for not doing my chores properly.”

“You miss your parents,” Levi said.

“I do,” said Eren.

“I get that.” Levi nodded, remembering his first few months of living alone. It was a relief at first, having a place to himself without the inconvenience of noise and limited space with sharing. But it was strange, adjusting to the long silence.

“Do you miss your parents too?” Eren asked, and the question caught Levi by surprise. 

It had been nearly decades since his father’s death, and Levi hadn’t thought about his mother for a long time.

Levi opted for silence because he had never sat down and thought about whether he missed his mother or not, but he did remember the first five years when he felt nothing but regret and guilt for leaving her behind. He still remembered his mother’s promise that they would always be together and his own promise to be strong, the past tugging at his mind.

Eren accepted Levi’s silence for the cryptic answer that it was and didn’t push the subject.

Mickey decided to break the moment between them with his own input. “Eren, if you miss your parents’ nagging so much, I will definitely nag you about chores until you meet up with them again.”

“You don’t even remember that chores exist,” Eren pointed out, and Levi was amused because he could imagine that. Mickey wasn’t very good with housekeeping.

“Does he still keep his dirty clothes on top of the laundry machine hoping that one day his shit will magically clean itself?” Levi asked.

“No, he piled it in his own room now,” Eren said. “We don’t have a washing machine in the apartment for him to do that.”

“Alright, alright, when you’re done making fun of me, we could decide what we want to eat,” Mickey said. 

They—and when Levi said they he really meant just Mickey—wanted to order online to get the $16 for two large pizzas with five toppings deal, which they could then pick up on the way home. Levi was tempted to veto this idea because he had pizza for lunch and for dinner yesterday, but it was Mickey’s place, Mickey’s rules. But it didn’t stop Levi from making a face when Mickey asked if pizza for dinner was okay for everyone.

Mickey caught him, however, and asked. “What do you want to eat then, Levi?” He tapped his fingers on the counter, the pale blue and red light from the pizza website ghosted over his face. 

Eren chimed in. “I’m okay with whatever.”

“We could also…make food if you’re so opposed,” Mickey said, sounding extremely reluctant and hopeful that Levi wouldn’t agree to this suggestion.

Levi had to agree. Getting food poisoning wasn’t his ideal of a Friday night, and if they were going to make food then Levi rather spent his night alone in his apartment. 

“You can cook,” Eren said to Levi, and Levi was about to protest when Mickey chimed in. “Hey, I cook too.”

Eren gave him a look. “No, you don’t.”

“I can,” Mickey frowned. “A little.”

“Yeah, a little.” Levi agreed. “If you want to eat in so badly, I’ll make something simple.”

“We don’t have anything in the fridge though,” Mickey said sullenly. “Are you sure you guys don’t want pizza?”

“I want to eat Levi’s cooking,” Eren cut in smoothly.

“There’s not much to it,” Levi said, torn between bringing up the pizza thing again because he was lazy and wanting to show off just a little. When he remembered that he actually had nothing to show off, and Eren had probably eaten better with his mother’s cooking, he quickly squashed the thought of trying to cook away. “Let’s get pizza.”

Mickey seemed happy with this, but Eren was stubborn. “We can pick up some things from the grocery store. I’ll even help you.”

“Really?” Levi said dryly. “You cook?”

“Instant rice,” Eren said proudly without a single bit of shame in his voice. “If I want to get fancy, I can even do microwavable mac and cheese.”

Levi wondered what kind of expression he had on his face right now because whatever it was, Eren was sucking it up with a grin that brought out the laughter in his eyes. Levi quickly explained himself before Eren had any misconception that Levi found him charming. “I’m not impressed.”

Eren’s face fell a little, the grin hovering awkwardly between going along with the joke and wondering if Levi was actually disapproving.

Levi clarified. “I grew up on instant rice and microwavable mac and cheese. You’re going to have to do better than that.”

Eren caught on right away and replied without hesitation. “I’m very good at boiling water.”

“I’ll take it,” said Levi, at the same time Mickey said. “Oh, that sounds like a winner.”

As Levi watched Eren and Mickey laughed along with him, Mickey added some more jibes regarding Eren’s water boiling skill and Eren pointed out that Mickey didn’t know how to work his own stove (apparently it was only one time when the gas wasn’t working properly), Levi realized he didn’t mind cooking at all if his evening could be filled with laughter like this. In a way, Levi could understand what Eren meant about noises because he’d never felt more alive today than he did in this moment. 

***

Levi decided to leave his car parked in his office’s parking lot because he didn’t want to waste money on the parking meter by Mickey’s place if he could just carpool. They could drive him back in the early morning, which was fine because Levi didn’t have a lot of plans for Saturday.

They returned to Mickey’s apartment with just enough grocery for dinner because despite Levi’s suggestion, Mickey insisted that neither he nor Eren would cook, ever, so it was best not to waste money on entertaining the possibility of cooking.

“You could stay around with us in the café,” Eren offered as he attempted to peel potatoes. Levi would watch him for entertainment value because Eren fumbled terribly with a knife and cut out a good chunk of potato every time. “I have practice all afternoon, but I’ll be around in the morning helping out.”

Levi stopped him just before Eren nearly cut his finger with a slash of a knife. “Here.” He carefully fixed Eren’s grip on the knife, trying not to feel too conscious about Eren’s warm breath fanning the top of his head. “You’re probably holding the knife like this because you don’t want to cut yourself, but you need this finger here to guide where the knife goes.” Eren had long bony but strong fingers, and although Levi had seen Eren’s hands before, this was the first time that he’d seen them this close. 

“Yeah,” Eren said, sounding a bit breathless when Levi reluctantly pulled away. “Thanks.”

“Hey Eren, when did you get to make all the plans?” Mickey said as he put the cans of beer into the fridge; his words felt like a slap back to reality, and Levi returned to working on the meat. Then, “So, what do you say, Levi?”

Eren made an irritated noise, something to the effect of “ _it’s my idea first_.”

“As tempting as that sounds, I have to meet up with Erwin for lunch tomorrow,” Levi said, carefully cutting the beef into cubes. “He’s very determined to trick someone who doesn’t hate me too much into a date with me.”

“Who’s the victim? It can’t be someone I know,” Mickey said, in a tone that implied he very much wanted this victim to be someone he knew so that he could give Levi a hard time about it.

“Nile Dawk, you don’t know him, and there will be no victim because it’s not going to happen,” said Levi, remembering a very awkward conversation with Nile Dawk where he was tempted to forget his friendship with Erwin altogether and leave the event early, except the little sweet and sour finger sandwiches—and Levi couldn’t figure out what it was for the life of him—were delicious, and free alcohol was always nice, so Levi braved the four hours listening to people older than him talking about things he didn’t care for.

“Well, I haven’t heard much about the situation except for what Hanji told me,” Mickey said, and Levi was mortified that his friends were discussing this behind his back. “I’ve heard this guy found the way you did nothing all evening except to stuff yourself with food and overpriced alcohol very endearing.”

“Great,” Levi said. “Once he sees me live on take-outs nearly every day, we’ll get married.” 

“Well, it doesn’t hurt to give him a call,” said Mickey, already opening a beer, and when Levi looked at him, he raised his bottle. “What, do you want one too?”

“Not now.”

“If you don’t like him, why bother?” Eren said as he finished peeling his first potato.

“I thought the same thing,” said Levi. He looked at Eren’s handiwork and gave him a nod of approval. “Now you only have another potato and the carrots to do.”

“Do I have to peel the carrots?”

“No,” Levi said, turning to Mickey. “Didn’t you guys have to do this before? I thought you made curry at some point.”

“Instant curry,” said Eren, shaking his head. “We bought the baby carrot bag to boil, but we didn’t deal with potatoes or actual carrots.” 

“Baby carrots are actual carrots,” Levi said.

“Look at this carrot.” Eren shoved the carrot unceremoniously in front of Levi’s face, the leaves tickling Levi’s nose, and Levi realized that there was a thin streak of mud caked long one of the stems. “It’s all wrinkly like a real carrot.”

“You need to wash the carrots before chopping them,” Levi said. He shoved Eren’s hand away. “That’s disgusting. Don’t just shove it in my face.”

“What is it?” Eren took a look at the carrot. “It’s only a bit of dirt. It wouldn’t kill you.”

“Yeah, Levi. Likewise, it wouldn’t kill you to give Nile a chance.” Mickey took a seat on the counter across from them, enjoy watching the work without doing much to help until Levi shoved the second potato that Eren failed to peel in front of him. “Oh come on.”

Before Levi could reply, Eren jumped in, “I don’t think it’s a good idea.” When both Mickey and Levi stared at him, he stammered. “Ummm…because you don’t like him?”

“I don’t want to take advice from a kid who can’t even deal with his own crush,” Levi said while washing his hands in the sink, so he missed the expression on Eren’s face as Eren stuttered. “What? N—no. I don’t—I know what I’m doing.”

“If you did, your crush might not be dating that other boy right now,” Levi said, and as he wiped his hands on a towel, Eren stepped into his line of sight, looking quite determined as he said. “My crush is not Mikasa.”

Levi’s instinct wanted him to take a step back but his pride didn’t allow it. As Eren attempted to stare him down, Levi kept his gaze steady, almost bored, wanting Eren to know that the intimidation bullshit didn’t work on him. But perhaps what Eren was going for wasn’t intimidation for Levi to stop teasing him about Mikasa, perhaps Levi was reading Eren’s body language wrong this time, because Eren was too close for comfort, his body leaning unconsciously toward Levi, as if he wanted the closeness to Levi just as much as he wanted Levi to notice him.

There was a moment, as Levi looked up into Eren’s eyes, a shade darker than Levi remembered, that Levi began _wondering_ , and this was bad because it meant that he would begin to _want_.

“Really?” Levi said, taking a step until his nose nearly touched Eren’s chest, seeing with his own eyes Eren’s breath hitched as he drew closer. 

“Yeah,” said Eren, voice dying down to a whisper. 

Levi was tempted to test Eren, searching for a hint that he wasn’t the only one who felt the inexplicable connection, but when he realized that he actually wanted something from Eren, something that Eren might not be able to give— _what was he thinking?_ –Levi backed away, feeling his body cooling down quickly but his skin still tingled from being so _close_.

Levi was grateful for his height because Eren could block most of their little scene from Mickey, and Mickey didn’t notice at all, luckily, so focused with the potato that he was having marginal success with peeling. “There’s no harm in calling Nile at least once right? It’s not like you have anyone right now.”

Levi was reminded of Erwin asking him the same thing. Mickey looked honestly curious—and that was the great and occasionally annoying thing about Erwin—he kept relevant information to himself. He might have told everyone about matchmaking Levi with a colleague, but the revelation that Levi liked someone, he told no one.

“Yeah,” Levi said, the reply coming much easier the second time. Also, Mickey was easy. “I’ll think about it.”

“What’s there to think about?” Eren pressed, his once playful eyes turning cross.

Levi paused, his hands hovering in the air for a second as he reached for the pot with the onions on the counter. Levi was annoyed, hearing this from Eren. His tone sharpened automatically in response to the anger in Eren’s eyes. “It’s not about you.”

“My bad. It’s none of my business,” Eren said, although his eyes didn’t agree with the words coming out of his mouth.

Levi placed the pot on the stove a bit rougher than he should. “No, it isn’t.”

Mickey, who had no idea what was going on, decided to cut in to diffuse the tension. “Well then, let’s finish this up so we can eat. I’m pretty hungry.”

The topic of Levi’s love life was automatically dropped. It wasn’t Eren’s fault in particular, Levi wasn’t used to the sudden change in pace in their dynamics.

He glanced at Eren from the corner of his vision, really taking in the fact that Eren was an adult, and perhaps he had looked at Levi as an equal all along. Levi felt miffed with being treated like an equal by an eighteen year old, but at the same time, it was nice, how Eren talked to him without reservation and accepted what Levi had to say about himself without a hint of judgment. But now Eren was moving beyond the boundary of a stranger; Eren was beginning to question him, and although Levi knew that those were his own words—that one cannot grow closer to someone without questioning them—he didn’t expect this subtle change in their dynamic to come so soon.

“Do you need help?” Eren’s voice by his ear made Levi jerked slightly in surprise.

“No,” Levi said. 

Eren pursed his lips, his eyes shimmering with apology. “Sorry if I nose into your business too much.”

“No,” Levi found himself say, feeling uncomfortable with Eren’s invasiveness but wanting Eren to learn more about him at the same time. “You weren’t.”

The worry in Eren’s eyes faded slowly away, and he smiled timidly at Levi. Eren’s face was doing funny things to Levi because Levi was starting to think things like _I want you around._

Levi turned back to the bubbling pot. He wasn’t flustered by Eren. Of course not.

“Your ear is red.”

“Fuck off,” Levi said.

“Hey, watch your mouth,” Mickey said, although he probably didn’t really care, occupied as he was with watching Being Human on his laptop and decisively being very unhelpful.

“It’s alright,” said Eren. “I’ve heard fouler things from kids at school.” He reached across Levi, purposely brushing against Levi and took a bit of food with the soup ladle. “Can I?” he asked, although he already blew on the stew and took a sip of it. 

“It’s delicious.” Eren bumped his arm against Levi.

“I’m glad you like it” was on the tip of Levi’s tongue, but he didn’t want to sound like he needed Eren’s approval or anything. Instead, he said. “Glad that it’s not complete shit.”

“I have a hard time imagining that you can’t find someone,” Eren said, and Levi felt even more unsettled inside. He was a lot better at dealing with insults and offensive comments than compliments; well, he didn’t have a problem with compliments because it depended on who said them, and when they came from Eren, Levi was at a loss of what to do.

“It doesn’t take a lot of imagination,” Levi said gruffly. He could feel Eren’s gaze burning the side of his face, but he refused to face Eren even though he was so tempted to. “I’m not an easy person to deal with.”

Erwin’s words returned to him.

“I’m okay with you,” Eren said.

“Just spend more time with me and you’ll start finding things about me that annoy you,” Levi said dryly. It always happened like this. People that Levi had dated in the past had thought that Levi was some sort of mushy sweet thing underneath his rough exterior until they found out that the roughness wasn’t a cover. It didn’t take long for them to find out that he wasn’t someone they could fix all the flaws and he would magically become a better person, whatever that meant. 

“I’ll take you up on that offer,” Eren said. When Levi finally gave in to his curiosity and stared at him, Eren continued. “What? It’s not like you have a lot of friends anyway. One more wouldn’t hurt.”

_Friends._

Right.

There was a strange twisting inside Levi with that word, but he controlled himself.

“I have plenty of friends,” Levi scowled. He had four. That was a lot.

“No, he doesn’t,” Mickey shouted from the counter. “And Eren, I think you have better luck friending people your own age.”

“I have plenty of friends my age,” Eren shot back. “Besides, I like Levi.”

Levi told himself that Eren’s like was different from the like he was thinking of, even though a petty part of himself had thought that Eren was interested in him. He sighed to himself with frustration as he watched the curve of Eren’s face to the line of his neck down to his shoulders. It didn’t help that Eren was a cute kid either. 

“What?” Eren said. “I know you like me too. Admit it.”

“I could tolerate you better than other kids your age,” Levi admitted.

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” said Eren.

“You take even my insults as compliment,” Levi mumbled. It also didn’t help that Eren was fucking charming. Clearly the universe was determined to make Levi’s life as difficult as possible.

Feelings were so much simpler before Eren appeared in his life.

***

Levi had to admit that although he didn’t look forward to the prospect of sleeping on the couch, Eren did a good job cleaning it for him, and he did have a lot of fun tonight with dinner and talking to Eren and Mickey. It was the first night in a long while that was actually filled with laughter and people, and he had forgotten how much he enjoyed it, although he was absolutely exhausted now.

Levi tried to be as graceful as possible and did not mention his distaste for the yellow stain around the drain, nor did his face scrunched up too much when he removed not only his own hair but also Eren’s from the drain. From his personal experience, Mickey’s hair was thicker, so Mickey probably didn’t use this bathroom. Regardless of his personal feelings regarding the cleanliness of this bathroom, he took a shower, put on clean clothes, and make sure to take care of his mess.

Levi had to borrow one of Eren’s t-shirt and a pair of sweats, and Eren had repeatedly insisted that his clothes were completely clean and available to use. Levi was also impressed that Mickey had a guest towel until he realized that it was his old towel that he had left with Mickey after they moved out of the old apartment.

Levi dipped his entire head in the towel and rubbed his hair furiously as he walked into the living room. He smoothed his hair down as best as he could with his hands before folding the towel into fours and placed it on the pillow that Eren gave him. His hair would dry quickly, but he didn’t want to get the pillow too damp.

Levi was about to slump down into the couch and sleep when he noticed that Eren was out the in the balcony.

“Hey,” Levi said as he slid the glass door open. “What are you doing?”

Eren turned at the sound of Levi’s voice. He stared at Levi for a moment, and Levi waited for the teasing that never came. Levi knew that he looked ridiculous with Eren’s shirt too long on him and Eren’s pants brunching up at the ankle, but Eren didn’t seem to think so with the way his eyes slowly trailed over Levi’s body. 

“I’m just enjoying the view,” Eren said.

Levi looked at the empty lot scattered with weed that spread below the balcony. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Eren turned away as Levi went to stand next to him. “If you look hard enough, you could see the ocean that way.” Eren pointed to the horizon line, where all Levi could see were more and more buildings jutting out in the darkness with little squares of light peeking out from windows.

“I don’t see it,” Levi said.

“Really? It’s right there.” Eren leaned down so his face was right next to Levi’s, way too close for Levi’s comfort, but Levi pretended that it didn’t faze him one bit. He could see where Eren was pointing to—a single dark line that ran horizontally across the edge of the sky.

“I don’t see it,” Levi said even though he did see, leaning in even closer until he knew his breath was brushing against Eren’s face. This close, he could see Eren’s Adam’s apple as he swallowed.

“Right, there,” Eren whispered, every word curled hotly around Levi’s ear.

Levi shivered, hoping that Eren thought it was from the cold and not from Eren’s close proximity. Levi told himself to calm down repeatedly, but his heart kept beating loudly in his ears, heedless of his want. Levi’s skin burned under Eren’s gaze, but he refused to be the one to back away first.

But there was something dark in Eren’s eyes, and that was Levi’s only warning before Eren leaned in, his lips barely had a chance to brush against Levi before Levi pulled away in shock.

The evening coldness rushed in, running over his body, and Levi gripped the railing of the balcony as if it was his only lifeline, his heart bursting in his chest.

“Ummm,” Eren said, his heavy breath coming out in pants. “I was just—.”

Levi waited anxiously for Eren to finish his sentence. He realized that he wasn’t ready for this—whatever Eren was going to say.

It was too soon.

“I—” Eren began, his voice thick, but his words just died in throat.

Silence filtered in between them once more, and as Levi watched Eren breaking into a panic across from him, he was reminded of how young Eren was. Levi had been so comfortable with Eren that he had completely forgotten Eren was only eighteen, probably confused with what he wanted, probably didn’t quite understand that Levi was interested in him.

“Hey,” Levi said gently. “Let’s go to sleep. It’s late.”

Eren looked torn between relieved that Levi provided him with an escape and panicked that he was going to miss an opportunity. “Levi, I—”

Levi waited patiently for the words he knew weren’t going to come. Eren appeared to be frustrated with himself, and Levi felt bad for him. “I’m sorry, I usually just say what I think, so I don’t know why I’m having such a hard time with this.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“No!” Eren snapped. Then, realizing his word came out a bit harsh. “Wait, sorry.”

“Hey Eren,” Levi said, and when Eren refused to look at him in the eye, too busy panicking internally, he hesitantly took a step closer to Eren and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Hey.”

Eren faced him then, looking as lost as Levi felt inside.

“You don’t have to figure it out now, alright?” Levi said.

“But—”

“I’ll still be here tomorrow,” said Levi. “And the next day—well, the next Friday, and many Fridays after.” Perhaps he was being hasty in making such a commitment to Eren, but he knew that he wanted to be there every Friday, listen to Eren’s music or to what Eren had to say. “Just go to bed now and think about it later, alright?”

When Eren still didn’t look reassured, Levi added. “I’ll wait for what you have to say when you’re ready.”

“I feel terrible,” Eren admitted. “Saying things have never been this hard.”

Levi snorted. “I’m relieved, actually.”

“Why?”

“You’ve been such a smooth fucker that I was beginning to feel bad about the shitty words that came out of my mouth,” Levi said. It was true. He was glad to see Eren fumbling with his words because Levi himself hadn’t sorted out what he wanted yet.

“I was hoping that I could keep being a smooth fucker in front of you,” Eren said. He scratched the back of his neck. “I just want you to see the best sides of me, you know?”

Levi swallowed, finding that it was now his turn to be at a loss for words. “Since you’re going to find all the bad sides of me, it’s only fair that I do the same, right?”

Eren smiled that rare smile of his again, his eyes warm. Levi found that all of his words had left him, but that didn’t matter anyway. He didn’t need good words. They didn’t need good words.

They were going to figure it out. If they were going to stumble ungracefully into whatever it was, they would. Levi felt anxiety started to eat at him, but hope burned inside his chest. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay tune for the next episode where Levi dodges Erwin’s questions, Eren invites Levi to his school concert, and Levi forgets that he needs to return Eren’s clothes to him.
> 
> Aww yeah, they didn’t kiss. I’ve planned this.
> 
> Just kidding I’m not that good at planning. I'm just slow.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this not-so-exciting installment, Levi and Erwin’s friendship remained complicated, and Eren and Levi went on a date.

 

 

When Levi was eight Uncle Jeff died ("Geoffrey," his cousin twice removed liked to correct him). Levi saw him a grand total of three times before his mother had a great fight with her big brother, and they didn't talk ever since, but death sanctify people in a way that his mother wasn't allowed to be mad at him anymore. She went to his funeral alone, and Levi stayed with his father. According to his cousin twice removed, uncle Geoffrey was sad that Levi didn't show up to his funeral, as much sadness as a dead person would feel, but Levi later figured out that this was more because uncle Jeff wanted to spite his mom more than he wanted to see his nephew. "I want to see your son, not you" kind of deal.

When Levi was nine, he got to attend his grandfather's funeral. Perhaps nine was the age limit to accept death.  It was a quiet affair because a lot of the extended family refused to speak to each other because of a fight at Uncle Jeff's funeral. The fight was bad enough that not even the sanctification after death of grandfather would force the family to set aside their differences and talk to each other again. Looking back, Levi didn't remember much of this, except for one moment when his mother asked that Levi played a song that grandfather liked, and Levi had said no. Levi didn't remember why he said no; he just didn't feel like it at the time.

Then his father was gone. Levi remembered that.

It was a strange feeling waking up this morning to a hollow and lost feeling, but that was what Levi woke up to. He blinked at the unfamiliar ceiling. Levi felt that he had a sad dream, but he couldn't remember what it was.

"Coffee?" Eren's cheerful voice called out, followed by a soothing sound of water trickling in a mug and a nice sharp aroma.

Levi slowly sat up and stretched. His shoulders let out a crack. Sleeping on the couch had not been kind to his shoulders or his back. "You're too cheerful for a teenager so early in the morning."

Eren walked to the couch and handed Levi the steaming mug. "You're giving me a lot of compliments this week."

"Don't get used to it."

"I won't."

Eren wasn't half bad with making coffee, Levi noted as he took a sip. "Any plans for today?"

"Piano practice, mostly. I have a school concert coming up, and I'm preparing for it."

Levi sat up completely to one side of the couch, and Eren took that as permission to slump down next to him. Eren was careful not to let his thigh touched Levi’s. "How about you? Any plans?"

"Nothing much. I'm meeting up with a friend for lunch, and then a movie in the evening."

Eren’s knee scooted closer and closer to Levi’s, his eyes searching Levi’s for permission.

"A date?"

Levi gave him a look. "No. And I'm going to the movie alone."

Levi knocked his knee against Eren’s.

"That's sad," said Eren, but he was smiling.

That was completely uncalled for.

"When you're an adult, you're not scared of going to see a movie alone."

"You're only saying that because you have no friends."

Levi shoved Eren's shoulder. "I do have friends." This weekend was his quiet weekend though. The local theater was having the five dollar old-rewatch special. Levi wanted to watch the movie without anyone groaning about how boring it was or being annoyed that someone had to go to the bathroom every five minutes or someone wanted more overpriced popcorn. "My friends all had plans."

"I don't have plans," Eren said, in that inviting tone of his.

Levi pretended that he didn't notice. "So you don't have friends either. That's sad."

"Since we're both friendless, we should go see the movie together," Eren suggested, also pretending to miss the incredulous expression that Levi was giving him.

"It's nothing that you would be interested in," Levi said. He was trying to dissuade Eren, but at the same time he thought about how interesting it would be if Eren tagged along. "It's a rewatch of an old movie."

"Oh." Eren blinked twice. "So it's what people of your time period watch?"

"You little brat." Levi gave Eren a hard shove, and Eren fell back against the arm rest of the couch, grinning like the little shit that he was. "Just for that, you can spend Saturday night alone."

"I was kidding," Eren said. "Please let me go to the movies with you."

Levi gave Eren a faux contemplative look. "You're not from my time period."

"If I go to the movie, I can learn more about people of your time period. I can educate myself."

Levi was having too much fun with this it was frightening. "You can't say that the movie is boring though, no matter how boring it is for you."

"I won't."

"No bathroom breaks."

"You want me to pee on my seat?"

"If you have to. Also, no popcorn. If you want popcorn, get enough to last you the entire movie. Also, eat quietly. Quieter than a mouse."

"The expression is "quiet as a mouse"."

"Mice are fucking noisy and annoying, so no."

"You must have good hearing then."

"I do."

Eren's knee bumped against his, and Eren was giving him a warm expression that made Levi felt too aware of the fact that he hadn't brush his teeth or wash his face. "I'll pick you up at 5 PM because we'll get dinner first. If you're not waiting outside the apartment then I'm leaving without you." Just as the words left his lips, he realized how much this sounded like a date, and he wondered if Eren was going to point it out. 

But Eren didn't. "I'll definitely be on time. I would hate to miss it."

Levi too would hate it if Eren miss it.

 

***

 

They met for lunch at a small French restaurant tucked in between a bookstore and another restaurant that was probably the competition. For a simple reason that they first ate at this restaurant, Levi never agreed to meet in the one next door, feeling a strange loyalty with it. Erwin, on the other hand, only thought about efficiency--if they couldn't get a reservation on this one, he would get it on the other one, no big deal.

But because Levi was patient enough to come early and sign up for seats, they never had a problem. For that reason, the two students working as servers there--Farlan and Isabel--took a liking to Levi because he had become their regular.  

Today Isabel got him seats out in the terrace. Levi was probably her favorite. The terrace was always filled completely before noon. It was a good day to sit outside even though it was chilly.

Erwin came, looking busy as per usual. He didn't bring a briefcase with him today though, which was unusual. 

“Taking a break today?” Levi asked as Erwin took the seat across from him.

“I’m visiting an old family friend. I have to start driving to make it there this evening,” said Erwin.

Levi nodded, not having a lot of opinion about that. Erwin had many family friends that were more like business partners than anything else.

“Your mother is doing well,” Erwin said, and Levi nearly jolted in his seat at the mention of her. “I’m going to see her tomorrow if you want to join me.”

Isabel stopped at their table that very moment to fill up the glasses of water and to take their orders. Levi was grateful for the interruption because he didn’t know how to answer Erwin. When she left however, it was back to Levi vs. conversation he did not want to have.

“Do you want to come?” Erwin asked as if Levi didn’t hear him the first time.

“No,” Levi said simply. The expression Erwin shot him made Levi felt like he was the asshole here, refusing to see his mom. It was the reason why Levi didn’t want to bring it up. This was Levi’s own personal business.

“You should go see your mother at least once, Levi,” Erwin said. Conveniently before Levi could tell Erwin where he could shove his nosiness, Isabel came around again and placed two plates of salad in front of them. The interruption was enough for Levi’s anger to cool to a tolerable level before he gave Erwin a piece of his mind.

“Just you is enough. You’re the good son.”

“I’m not her son, Levi.”

“You might as well be.”

“Levi,” Erwin chided. “No one can replace you in her heart.”

“That doesn’t stop her from trying.” Levi’s voice was tight.

“Levi, you’re not being fair to her. You have to give her a chance.”

It wasn’t fair for Erwin to chastise him because Erwin didn’t get it. Erwin get to show up and be a good kid to Levi’s mom every summer and was sympathetic and kind because he only had to be good for two short months while Levi had to be there for all of it.

It used to make Levi felt bad because Erwin didn’t grow up with a mother, and Levi knew he should be grateful that he still had his. But Levi had learned to stop letting this guilt him into doing things, and not even Erwin could force him into doing things he didn’t want anymore.

“Don’t poke your big ass eyebrows into things you don’t understand, Erwin.”

“I’ve been letting you do whatever you wanted for the past twelve years.” Erwin’s shoulders shook as he took in a deep breath. “But I’m tired of watching you let your petty jealousy hurt both you and your mother.”

“You think I’m jealous?”

 “I know that me being close to your mother had made you feel—”

“Yes, I was jealous,” Levi cut Erwin off. “I’m jealous because you get to show up for two short months of a year and made her smile more than I could for years. I’m jealous that you get to hear things like “I love you like my own son” while I get to hear things like “Why can’t you be more like Erwin” every day I was stuck in that house.”

“She doesn’t mean it.”

“She doesn’t mean a lot of things.”

“Levi, my father says these things all the time to me; you just can’t let these things get to you.”

Levi hated when Erwin did this. Levi hated being made into a villain. Levi hated that he always had to be the strongest one. Always had to be the sane, calm one.

“You know she’s only being nice to me because I didn’t grow up with a mother.”

There it was. There was the hidden bomb dropped straight into Levi’s lap.

 _Back off_ , his heart said. _If you go any further you will hurt Erwin, and you don’t want to do that._ At the same time, Levi knew that Erwin brought this up for a purpose. There was always a purpose. A calculated move to get Levi into a place that Erwin wanted.

“Careful,” Levi said. “Try any harder than you’ll become my mother, Erwin.”

Erwin narrowed his eyes dangerously. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“Using guilt as a manipulative tool.” Levi remembered his mother’s “Ever since your father passed away…” as distinctly today as he did years ago. “You’re been spending too much time with her.”

“Your mother is not the villain here. Don’t make her out to be one.”

No, she was never the villain. “I’m not. I never said that she is one when it’s obvious who it is.”

Erwin looked at Levi then. “Levi, I’m not insinuating that you—”

“You are,” said Levi. “I didn’t say that you were wrong.”

“There are no bad sides here,” Erwin said gently. “You have to stop seeing the world as everyone versus you.”

“I felt good.”

“What?”

“The day I decided to leave behind completely, I felt good.” It was true. The decision to cut ties was a difficult one, but it wasn’t one that he regretted.

“Levi?”

“I don’t regret freeing myself.” Levi swallowed, feeling a strange strength surging through his body. “It was worth it.”

“Not even when you have hurt one of the most important people in your life?”

Levi had thought about it many times, whether it was the right decision or not. What would have happened if he had stayed? What would have happened if he didn’t walk out of his mother’s life? But the answers to all of these questions were the same. Ultimately Levi had to keep making sacrifices that he didn’t want to make, and he didn’t want to do that anymore. “I’m not you. I can’t save everyone, and I won’t pretend that I can.”

“You’re angry with me.”

Levi scoffed. “Damn right I am.”

“Of course, you’re the one that gets to be angry when I’m the one who has to keep an eye your mother while you run off and pretend that she doesn’t exist.”

“Do you want a cookie for that? You love—” Levi snorted. Across the table, Erwin’s expression became stormy. Even though he appeared calm, Levi could see the clench of his jaw tightened. Levi paused in his track. “Let’s stop talking about it.” 

“No, say what you have to say,” Erwin said. “I love what?”

 _Stop_ , a voice in his head said. _Don’t say it._

“Let’s stop,” Levi said.

“No, I’m curious.” Now Levi and Erwin had switched sides, and Levi was tempted to blurt it out anyway because Erwin had crossed the line again. It was Erwin’s sore spot, and Levi knew it would be shitty to say it.

“Drop it, Erwin,” Levi warned.

“No, say it.” Erwin’s voice dropped. It was an order.

But Levi wasn’t above hurting people in retaliation, and if Erwin thought he could intimidate Levi to back off, he was wrong.

“Fine.” Levi’s voice was sharp. Not missing a single beat, he bit out. “I don’t want life lessons from someone who loves to fix other broken people when he can’t even fix himself.”

Levi knew before all the words left in his lips that he shouldn’t have said it. “Erwin—”

Erwin’s face was blank, giving away nothing. His voice was even, and to a casual outsider it sounded amused, but Levi knew that Erwin’s calm response was from years of taking one verbal blow after another from his father. “Yes, you shouldn’t.”

“Erwin—” Levi began but fell short with what he needed to say. An apology would help, he knew, but the selfish part of him didn’t want to give in, not even for Erwin.

“Let’s drop the topic.” Erwin unfolded the napkin on the table and carefully placed it over his lap.

 _You brought it up_ , Levi thought. Of course when Levi wanted to drop the topic, they wouldn’t, and when Erwin wanted to drop the topic, they would. But even if these things were true, Levi felt as if it had been his fault, and he hated it. So he kept a hold on his own anger because it was better than feeling guilty.

Isabel brought their food to the table, and it was good enough distraction to keep them occupied without exchanging another word to each other for the rest of the meal.

 

***

 

By the time Levi had to meet up with Eren, he was tempted to cancel altogether. He wasn’t exactly in the watching movie mood. It was too late, however, because Eren was hovering around the sidewalk and spotted Levi’s car right away. Levi frowned as he took a look at Eren, and it wasn’t until Eren got in the car that he remembered.

“Is that my coat?” Levi asked.

“It’s my lucky coat,” said Eren.

“Your lucky coat is the coat that you stole from me?”

“Borrowed, more like it.”

Levi wasn’t particularly attached to that coat, but he liked it better than his other coat. It looked ridiculously better on Eren than it did on him though, and Levi told himself that he didn’t need it back yet.

“Do you want it back?” Eren began to shrug it off, but then of course he was only wearing a T-shirt, so Levi waved it off.

“Better that you keep stealing that coat than freeze yourself to death.” They were in the car, and later they were going to the theater, so Eren was probably going to be fine, but still, just in case.

“Thanks,” Eren said, in a tone that implied he knew Levi was going to say that. Levi shook his head, trying to hide his amusement. “I’m borrowing it, not stealing.”

Levi didn’t bother pointing out that if Eren didn’t try to return the coat in the many times that they had seen each other until now, it was fairly unlikely that he was going to get his coat back anytime soon in the future. Levi wasn’t quite sure why he didn’t mind; all he knew was that it was nice to see Eren with his coat. 

They went to a burger place before going to the theater, and Eren was mildly amused with Levi’s careful wiping of the table before they sat down to eat. He was even more amused and horrified that Levi ate his burger dry-without any ketchup or mayonnaise or mustard or any disgusting unnecessary liquid that people usually squirted on burgers.

“There’s a wrapper,” Eren pointed out.

“I don’t like the feeling of wet sauce touching my hand through the wrapper paper.”

Eren ate everything with a nauseating speed. By the time Levi had finished his burger, Eren had gone through his own burger, fries, and was now slurping the last few drops of his soda. Levi noticed that Eren was eyeing his fries with envy, and he sighed.

“You’re going to burn them.”

Eren blinked up at Levi, looking embarrassed. “Sorry.”

Levi pushed the carton of fries toward Eren. “You’re lucky that I don’t like to get a lot of grease on my hands.”

“Is it really okay if I get some?”

Levi took one and dipped it in the small cup of ketchup. “I’ll toss out the leftovers if you don’t eat it.”

“I’ll take some off your hands then.” Eren took a good five fries and stuffed them all in his mouth. Of course Eren finished about half the fries before Levi got to it, but then again Levi didn’t like to eat a lot of fries anyway.

Levi found out through dinner some things about Eren that he already knew, things like Eren staying here while his parents relocated somewhere else. Levi also learned things about Eren that he didn’t know, like how he wasn’t good at school and piano was the only thing that Mikasa couldn’t be better than him. Eren didn’t have any sibling who competed with him, but he found one in his childhood friend, Mikasa. Mikasa seemed to follow Eren in whatever extracurricular he wanted to do and did a better job than Eren, and Eren wanted to do something that he could call his own.

“I’ve wondered if I didn’t tell her to get off my back whether she could play the piano better than me,” Eren said. “But by that point, I realized it didn’t matter because I really love playing.”   

“You’re thinking of going to a music school right?” Levi asked, wiping off all the lettuce that fell on the table with a napkin and placed it on his tray.

“Yeah. If I don’t get in this year, I’ll just try again next year and find work in between.”  Satisfied with consuming a pound worth of protein and grease, Eren nearly wiped his mouth with his sleeve until Levi shot him a look, and Eren hastily picked up a napkin instead. “I’ll keep going until I get in.”

Eren was determined, and Levi wasn’t surprised to find out. He didn’t strike Levi as someone who gave up without a fight.

“What?” Levi said when he caught Eren staring at him expectantly.

“Nothing.” Eren shook his head. “I was wondering if you would say that it’s not a financially sound plan.”

Levi did think that, but he wasn’t going to shit on Eren’s parade for it. “No. It’s your life. You know yourself better than I know you. As long as you don’t regret making that choice, it doesn’t matter.”

“That sounds like something my dad might agree with. I wish my mom could see things in that way too,” Eren sighed. “My dad said I’m old enough to make my own choices, and my mom said it’s stupid to go to music school when the economy is not doing well right now.”

“That’s not going to stop you though,” Levi said.

“No.” Eren smiled.

Eren was an interesting kid in his own right. Perhaps Levi was addicted to his nearly foolish confidence. Eren’s grin widened, as if he knew Levi was charmed by him, so Levi leaned back, crossed his arms, and pretended that he wasn’t affected in the least.

“Am I impressive enough for the people of your era?”

Levi gave him a nice kick to the ankle for that. “I’m not that old.”

“You got a bit of wrinkles here.” Eren tapped his finger on his brow.

“I’ve had that since high school.”

“Really?”

“There were assholes that thought I was an easy target because I’m short. I had to prove them wrong, and made sure they didn’t come back.”

“I don’t like to run from a fight either,” Eren said. “In middle school, this horse-face thought it was funny to mess with me, but this girl taught me how to give a mean right hook, so he never tried anything again.”

“Is this the same horse-face that’s dating your best friend right now?” Eren’s response to the Mikasa situation made a lot more sense now.

“Yes,” Eren sighed. “He’s too scared to talk to with his fists since back then, but his mouth is still running nonsense.”

Levi snorted and then glanced at his watch. “We should go if we don’t want to miss the showing at 7.”       

They made it to the theater just in time for the boring advertisement before the previews. Levi watched Eren with amusement as Eren looked at the title of the movie printed on the ticket with skepticism. “How old is this movie?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t seen it.”

“I thought this was the movie of your generation.”

“I never said that.”

Of course as the first scene came rolling by, Eren whispered harshly to him. “How old _is this movie?_ ”

“Before I was born,” Levi deadpanned.

“Really?”

“It was out before I was born.”

“So I’m not even going to learn about people of your era by watching this?”

Levi smacked Eren’s shoulder with the back of his hand, earning a low chuckle from Eren as a reward. “Shut up and watch the damn movie.”

Eren was a very good sport throughout the movie, even though it was clear that he had trouble caring for the movie. Levi tried for the first fifteen minutes or so before he became too conscious of Eren sitting next to him to really watch the movie. Eren’s arm kept twitching on the armrest, occasionally bumping into Levi’s, and after about five minutes of this, Levi sighed and placed his hand on top of Eren’s.

Levi had meant to stop Eren’s twitching, but then Eren jumped with his touch, his skin little clammy and gross under Levi’s fingers. Levi turned to look at Eren to figure out what had him so jumpy and nervous, only to freeze up when he saw the expression in Eren’s face. 

Eren turned his palm over and intertwined their fingers together, eyes searching Levi’s nervously. Levi shifted a little in his seat, and Eren immediately let go of Levi’s hand, but Levi quickly caught Eren’s palm.

Levi didn’t know what he was doing.

Fuck, he didn’t know what he was doing.

Eren was trying to steal glances at the corner of his eyes at Levi again, and Levi was tempted to tell Eren to hurry up and just look at him properly. Only Levi didn’t know where they should go from there. Levi knew that if there was one moment where he could take that step forward, this would be it.

But Eren was nervous and clearly not ready, and Levi himself wasn’t ready either. His head felt hazy, and he knew he should think more carefully about this because there was no denying that he had been flirting with an eighteen year old and this eighteen year old was clearly responding back.

Levi made a quick decision and turned back to the screen in front of him. He let go of Eren’s hand and left his palm on top of Eren’s.

Scenes passed by them. It was interesting because the movie they were watching was about an older woman seducing a young man twice her age, but fortunately Levi didn’t have the killer legs or the manipulative, unhealthy mindset to do something like that. This movie was weird.

Levi took a sharp breath when he felt Eren’s fingers slowly intertwined with his.

He tried to hide a smile. Luckily the theater was dark, and Eren was too busy pretending to pay attention to the movie.

 

***

 

It was late when they left the movie, and the evening chill rushed straight to Levi’s skin as they walked out from the theater. It didn’t take long for Levi to acclimate to the temperature difference, but Eren was a lot quicker than him because he pointed to an ice cream shop across the street. “Do you want a snack? I want one.”

There were many responses that Levi had in his head, one of which was “I’m too old for ice cream cones,” except he wouldn’t refuse one if offered, so he opted for, “It’s cold.”

“It’s not that cold.” Eren said. “We can get something warm instead.”

“Coffee?”

“No, no no.” Eren shook his head frantically. “I’m not betraying Uncle Mickey. There’s no way I’m going to pay money for his competitors.”

“You drink Starbucks,” Levi said.

“Only sometimes! Armin made me.” Eren protested. “Wait, how did you know?”

“I didn’t know. I took a guess.”

“Fine, we can go to a coffee shop.” Eren slumped his shoulders in defeat. Then, an idea that Levi probably wouldn’t like came to Eren, and he perked up immediately. “How about we go to Uncle Mickey’s? I have the key.”

“Wouldn’t you get in more trouble doing this than going to a different coffee shop?” Levi was a bit worried about Eren’s thought processes right now. Maybe there were reasons that he didn’t do so well in school.

“Yes, but there is a piano.”

That was more of an incentive for Eren than it was for Levi, but if Eren was going to play, Levi didn’t mind one bit. Maybe they could do without the coffee because as much as Mickey liked Levi, Levi would like it to remain that way. “Sure.”

Most of the shops except for the restaurants on this side of downtown were closed for the evening, so it was fairly easy for Levi to find a parking spot. Eren seemed excited about playing because he had been writing his own composition lately, and he wanted to show Levi his first one.

“My audition for the school has to be fifteen minutes long. I’ve been working on an improvisation for the January deadline, but I’ve been thinking of doing a completely new composition instead,” Eren explained excitedly as he opened the door.

They walked into the empty café, and the darkness and quietness of the place calmed Levi. Eren moved through the dark with ease of someone who had been working here way too long, and he turned on the lamp on the table by the piano. It was only bright enough to illuminate a part of the café, but it was enough for Levi to walk past the tables without tripping on things.

“Coffee?” Eren had already made this way behind the counter.

“No.”

“Mickey wouldn’t mind.”

Eren waited for Levi’s response, and when Levi didn’t say anything, Eren sighed. “Fine. It’ll come out of my paycheck, okay? But it’s only a dollar seventy-five so I don’t know why you’re fussing over it.”

It was chilly inside, and Levi was grateful for the coffee. He took a seat by the window as Eren settled in front of the piano.

“I have most of it memorized, but not everything,” Eren warned, as if Levi was in a position to critique music.

Raindrops trickled lightly over the window pane, lasted only for a few minutes before the sprinkle stopped. Sunlight peeked over the thin clouds and skipped over puddles, hoping over the droplets on the window pane. The raindrops on the glass glinted like gold, and Levi pressed his hands against the cool glass. It looked warm enough to go outside, and then his mother’s face appeared on the reflection, the water droplets were gold trinkets hanging down her hair. He turned to her as she stood next to him. Her hair was in a loose bun, hair framing her lost face, pressing her hand against the glass and looking out into the quiet yard, empty and peaceful now that all the relatives had left. “Are you alright?” she asked very softly, and Levi returned his gaze outside because what would she do if he wasn’t okay? Everyone had told him to be strong for his mother, and he wasn’t sure what that meant, _strong._

The music hopped on his skin like warm sunlight, bright like the sunflower on his mother’s favorite dress, blossoming like the flowers in his backyard, and Levi was reminded of the better times when she still tried to be strong for him, when they both tried for each other, warm voices filling up the hollow coldness that his father left behind. _It’s going to be fine_ , Levi had thought, and when he came home to his mother in a cloth covering her hair, plastic covering over the furniture that couldn’t be moved, stripes of blue paint splashed over the living room wall because she couldn’t stand waiting in silence anymore, Levi had placed his backpack down and took a roller and joined her. His father had wanted the walls blue but they never got the chance to think about it.

The music was the blue paint that bloomed softly over the muted whiteness. When they stopped for a lunch break Levi had taken another look at the walls, at the wide expanse of blue over light patches of cloudy white, at the sunlight trailing from the window treading up the walls,

it had looked like the sky. 

And then it was everything—the sky, the sunlight, the birds soaring freely in the distance, fields of green over the hills, spring and summer and fall and winter and a return to spring. Levi wandered through the field of green, and then he felt it, the thing that he had once forgotten. He ran, hastily brushed the grass aside until he reached the top of the hill, and there it was, the place that he had found once more. Sunlight rained over his vision.

The sky was very blue.

Levi let out a shaky breath at the last note.

Eren was very still as he lifted his hands from the keys. He didn’t ask what Levi thought of his music this time.

Eren turned to look at Levi, and Levi knew that Eren had felt the power of his music, the colors that burst forth from every note, the life that ran through every rise and dip. The chilliness of the evening settled over them now that the music had stopped. Shocked silence hovered between Levi and Eren, the overwhelming aftermath of the music seemed to have taken over the room now that it was just the two of them.

Levi spoke first.

“If you can play like that for fifteen minutes, you won’t need another year to get into music school.”

Eren grinned with a weird expression on his face like it was trying to decide between surprise and happiness. “The song never sounded like that before.”

“I…can actually do this,” Eren mumbled to himself. “I can get in with this kind of music.”

Of course Eren could. Levi knew that Eren could all along. But this time was the time that Eren could feel it for himself.

“Yes!” Eren pumped his fist into the air. At the realization that Levi was sitting there watching him, Eren tried to calm himself but failed miserably. “I’ve never managed to play like that before. I could never get it to sound right during practice, but that just now, that was nearly perfect.”

“It wasn’t bad” was Levi’s very understated opinion.

There was something electrifying about Eren and his music, and as Levi watched Eren tilted his head back and looked at the ceiling, rocking back and forth in excitement, Levi knew that it wasn’t just the waves of emotions that Eren’s music struck within him. Levi couldn’t stop watching Eren and feeling a strange happiness for him; he wanted to see Eren like this always, passionate and determined and dedicated to his music. As if hearing Levi’s thoughts, Eren rocked forward, planted his elbows on his knees, and looked straight into Levi’s eyes.

“I’m so happy I could kiss you right now.”

The effect was completely lost on Levi however because Levi could clearly tell that Eren was nervous, but as it was Levi was fairly impressed that Eren managed to keep an unflinching eye contact with him. As Levi kept his face expressionless, Eren grew more and more anxious, but he didn’t back down. 

“You could,” Levi said.

“Wait, really?”

“No.”

“Oh.”

Just when Eren began to look defeated and perhaps a little embarrassed, Levi said. “Because when I drop you off at home after the date, I’ll send you off with a kiss.”

Eren perked up immediately at that, and then his face brightened when he realized the implication of Levi’s words. Levi knew that he was going to get in deep trouble for this, and it was probably not a very good life decision, but as Eren approached him and leaned over Levi’s seat, his hand over Levi’s cheek, not yet daring to touch, Levi began to forget about logic very quickly.

“Does that mean I can’t get two kisses tonight?”

“You’re pushing your luck.”

“I know. May I?”

How polite.

Levi grabbed Eren’s wrist and placed it on the back of his neck. Eren’s hand was clammy against his skin, and Levi could feel every tremble from Eren’s body.

“Kiss me,” Levi demanded, and Eren wasted no time to meet Levi’s lips.

 

 

 

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi visited Eren one Saturday when Mickey was gone.

 

 

Levi had known beforehand that Eren would be gone for most if not all this month because of music school applications, but it wasn't until he stepped into the café on a Friday in November, shutting out the autumn chill with a jiggling of bell at the door that he noticed the absence of Eren’s cheerful greeting. Eren's absence truly sunk in then. He shouldn't feel disappointed because he was given a fair warning, but he felt it anyway.

Mickey slid a cup of coffee to him just as he reached the counter. He was about to protest, but Mickey insisted that he try it.

"You look like you need it" was his explanation.

As Levi took a sip, the warm scent of citrus and chocolate untangled each knot of stress from work. He had to admit that Mickey was right. He did need this.

“I might not be able to charm you the way Eren does, but I didn’t open my own café on a whim.”

“It’s delicious,” Levi said, taking another sip to hide the small jerk of his body at the mention of Eren. “How’s he?”

“Not so well,” Mickey sighed, and Levi didn’t bother to hide his concern.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing much, he’s being his usual self, too absorbed in his compositions to remember to eat.”

“Really?” Levi shouldn’t feel surprise, but he did, if only slightly. He had seen how passionate Eren was playing the piano, but he had never seen Eren engrossed in the creative process. “It’s not hard to imagine.”

“No, it’s not.” Mickey wrung the bottom of his apron, a nervous habit that he never managed to leave behind in the years that Levi knew him. “I’m worried because I will be gone this weekend, and I’m afraid if I leave him alone then he will starve himself.”

“Where are you going?”

“My mom got in a car accident.”

Levi straightened from his lazy slouch against the counter. “Is she alright?”

“She’s fine, it’s a minor accident, but she’s in shock,” Mickey said. “I need to go check on her and sort out the problem with her insurance. But I can’t leave Eren like this.”

The decision was out of his mouth before his mind could process it. “I could check up on him this weekend if you want.”

“I don’t want to impose—”

“You’re not.”

Mickey looked torn. “I will be gone tonight until Monday morning. I wish I could be back on Sunday.”

“All the more reason I should check up on Eren. Will the café be okay without you?”

“Yeah, Sean and Eric got it under control.” They were the part-timers that Levi met once or twice. “I’ll have to take your offer with taking care of Eren. I know he’s at an age where he could take care of himself, but I worry, you know?”

“I understand.” Eren was the son that Mickey could never have, and Levi knew how important he was to Mickey. “I’ll make sure he doesn’t starve himself to death.”

“Thank you,” Mickey sighed, hands letting go of his apron and dropping to his sides. “I owe you one.”

“Give me another cup of this and we’ll call it even,” Levi said, gulping down the last sip of coffee along with his dislike for any mention of debt.       

Even though Mickey had warned him, Levi didn’t get to see the gravity of the situation until he arrived at Mickey’s door Saturday morning, armed with takeout boxes of eggs, pancakes, bacon, potato wedges, and a breakfast burrito. Mickey said their fridge had food, but it was Saturday morning and he didn’t feel up to putting in effort with cooking.

Eren opened the door after three knocks. Levi stared at the red eyes from lack of sleep, the oily face, and the smell from days of not showering, the rumpled up shirt and pajama pants, the tired slump of his shoulder, and realized that Mickey was absolutely right to worry.

“Sorry, I’m not at my best right now,” Eren said in response to Levi’s morning greeting. It was a testament of how exhausted he was when he let Levi in without a word as if his brain wasn’t awake enough to question Levi’s presence here. “Mickey told me you were coming, but I didn’t think you would come so early.”

“It’s already ten,” Levi said as he set the food on the kitchen counter, sparing Eren another disapproving glance as he scraped the stool across the floor to sit across from Levi.

“Is it?” Eren said groggily. “Mmmm, that smelled really good.” His stomach grumbled in agreement.

“Did you sleep at all last night?” Levi’s hand twitched to smooth down Eren’s messy bed of hair, but he resisted the urge by taking out the boxes from the paper bags instead.

“I couldn’t sleep yesterday,” Eren admitted and winced when Levi’s expression turned stormy. “I got a bit of sleep this morning before you came.”

“Go to sleep after you have breakfast,” Levi said. He didn’t ask why Eren was up, lest Eren was reminded of what he was working on and refuse sleep.

Eren’s mouth watered when Levi opened the boxes in front of him, telling him to eat whatever he wanted. There was some juice left in the fridge, and he poured a glass for Eren.

“Where does Mickey keep the coffee?”

“It’s in the first cabinet left of the sink. Here, let me make it for you.”

“Sit,” Levi said when Eren began to rise from his seat. “I can do it myself. Eat.”

Eren collapsed back into the stool without much protest, and Levi made a note to himself to get Eren outside for some fresh air later.

They ate together in silence. Levi ate quickly, but Eren was so tired that he could barely finish half the portion of eggs and a few bites of pancake. He was braving it because Levi was here, Levi knew, and after another chew that took longer than it should, Levi said, “Why don’t you go rest instead? I’ll clean up.”

“Sorry, I don’t have any appetite right now.” Eren sounded rueful. “I’ll help you clean up.”

“No. You need to go back to sleep.”

“But I don’t want to,” Eren grumbled. “You’re here. I don’t want to sleep when you’re finally here.”

Levi bit back a fond smile and said firmly. “No, go back to sleep. I’ll still be here when you wake up.”

“We could watch TV together,” Eren mumbled. He looked like he was going to fall asleep landing face first into his food at any moment, and Levi had to hold back a sigh.

Eren did help Levi clean up despite his protest. There wasn’t much, but Eren was determined not to let Levi do all of the work, even if it was something as simple as putting things into the fridge. Levi hovered around him, ready to catch him lest he fall onto the floor in exhaustion, but Eren put up a strong front.

They huddled on the couch in front of the TV, Eren forgetting about personal space as he all but slumped against Levi’s shoulder, breath brushing warmly against Levi’s ear.

“I’m glad you’re here,” Eren mumbled.

“Get your own pillow,” Levi said without heat. It wasn’t uncomfortable; it wasn’t comfortable, and Levi hated the morning breath and the body sweat that grated on his sensitive nose. But as the stupid morning program droned on about some silly exercise contraption, Levi found that he didn’t mind Eren snuggling up against his side.

Eren didn’t answer him, and Levi took a look at the peaceful expression on Eren’s face. The position that he had didn’t seem comfortable; Eren had his knees bent and his feet tucked up on the cushion, his neck arching in a terrible angle just so that his head could rest against Levi’s shoulder, but Eren looked content, and in all intent and purposes, appeared as if he belonged there by Levi’s side.

Levi felt an unfamiliar ache in his heart, and despite his reservation about overly familiar touches, he reached for Eren’s hand and rubbed circles on the back.

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

After about an hour of TV, Levi left Eren to sleep on the couch and went on to do his own work on his laptop. He didn’t do much, and mostly he ended up reading articles until noon passed. Eren got up around two in the afternoon. Levi didn’t notice at first, engrossed in an important email about shipment of some equipment from out of state, until Eren approached the kitchen counter and spoke, “You’re really here.”

“As much as you wished it is, this isn’t a dream,” Levi said, already losing interest in the email. It could wait. “Feeling better?”

“Feel like I just woke up from a coma,” Eren said, rubbing his eyes. He looked better. Less zombie-like.

“There’s still food from breakfast if you want to finish that,” Levi said, hiding a smile. Eren’s hair resembled a bird nest.

“I could kiss you right now,” Eren started for the counter, but Levi gestured to the bathroom.

“Go clean up. I can smell you from across the room.”

The more awake Eren became the more invested he became with annoying Levi. He leaned over Levi’s laptop, puckering up his lips and making gross kissing noises, and Levi shoved a hand to Eren’s face and pushed him away.

“Go shower. And please brush your teeth three times.”

Levi was prepared for some resistance, but Eren complied readily. He finally understood why later, when Eren stood in front of him, towel slung across his neck. He was dressed in fresh clothes, smelling like pines in the winter, looking expectantly at Levi.

“What?” Levi asked, finding it hard to tear his eyes from at the wet matted hair and the droplets that trailed down Eren’s neck.  

Under his gaze, Eren’s eyes darkened. Levi could see the same want burning within him reflected in Eren’s eyes. He swallowed twice as Eren’s eyes flickered to his lips. “I thought I was promised a kiss for my effort.”

“You weren’t promised anything,” Levi said, although now he was the one staring at Eren’s lips.

“We could do without the promise.” Eren’s voice dropped an octave.

Before Levi could retort, Eren’s stomach growled, ruining the moment.

“You should eat,” Levi said.

“I’m fine.”

“You should eat,” Levi repeated firmly. He refused to give in on this.

Eren sighed. “Fine. Spoilsport.”

As much as Eren made a show of being not hungry, he wolfed down everything that remained from breakfast with alarming speed. Levi took some potato wedges and heated the rest of the coffee left in the coffee pot in the microwave. He didn’t eat much on nonproductive days.

Conversation between them was light and easy, with Eren asking Levi about work and Levi asking Eren about school. When Eren looked a lot better than his zombie state ten minutes before, Levi pulled out the big guns.

“So how is the application process going?”

Eren’s good mood immediately soured. Levi wished he hadn’t asked. Instead of meeting Levi’s eyes he kept them on the nearly empty plate of food, idly scratching the syrup on the ceramic with his fork. “It goes. I’m done with all the deadlines in November, and I have a two school due January 1st.”

‘That couldn’t be it,’ Levi thought. He was tempted to pry the truth out of Eren, but it wasn’t his place. They weren’t close enough for that, and prying meant that Levi was crossing a personal boundary that he wasn’t ready to cross.

They finished eating and began cleaning up in silence, the peaceful camaraderie ruined by the tension that seemed to vibrate under Eren’s skin. Finally, when Levi was rinsing out the coffeepot, Eren moved to stand next to him by the sink, his lower back against the dishwasher. He avoided meeting Levi’s eyes.

Eren cleared his throat. Levi turned off the faucet when he was done, but he stayed where he was, waiting patiently.

“My parents called a month ago,” Eren began. “Well, just my mom. My dad wasn’t in the country. I finally told her that I stood by my decision to apply to music programs. She got angry. It’s the usual.” His tone was casual like there was nothing particularly interesting about what he was telling Levi.

Levi knew however, that this was the moment that would turn the tide of their relationship. Eren’s casual manner was a way to tell him that he had an out. He could casually divert the conversation or end it, and their relationship would be firmly defined by this boundary. They wouldn’t have to know too much about each other. They could be friends, in the more loosely defined definition of the word.

What did he want? For now, it was as simple as wanting Eren to clear his heart of whatever was bothering him, but what about after?

Levi could feel Eren’s fingers fidget on the counter next to his elbow. And in that moment, he thought about how far away Eren felt even though he was right next to him, and the answer became clear.

“That doesn’t sound as easy as you say it is,” Levi said, turning to the side in time to catch Eren snapping his head toward him, eyes so hopeful that it was difficult to keep eye contact.

“It’s not,” Eren admitted. Levi felt the weight of his words, and even more overwhelming, the weight of his trust. It was oppressing, and Levi had a brief panic that he had made the wrong choice, swept away by Eren, but he pushed it down.

“My mom said that she won’t support me if I decide to apply for music school,” Eren said, and Levi was grateful for the distraction from his own emotional turmoil. Eren’s voice was rising with every word. “She said that she couldn’t let me waste money and my potential for something that has no future. She doesn’t care what I want. She doesn’t care that it’s the one thing that I’ve ever wanted so badly my entire life.”

“She just—” Eren paused, trying to collect his composure that was cracking on the edges. “She cut me off.”

Levi placed the coffee pot on the counter and placed his hand over Eren’s. Eren was shaking, he realized, full body trembles from anger or anguish, he wasn’t sure. But at his touch, the tension underneath Eren’s skin calmed as if the reminder of Levi’s presence alone was enough.   

“I’ve been okay with the money working at the café and some side jobs, but it’s hard making rent and paying for all the fees for the application process.”

“Does Mickey know about this?”

“No, he still thinks that my mom is sending me money every month.” Eren sighed. “I don’t think I can deal with what Mickey might have to say about this.”

“He would want to help,” Levi said. “He cares about you.”

“My mom cares about me and look where we are now,” Eren snapped. Levi nearly jumped in surprise, and Eren looked regretful. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to shout at you.” He let out another sigh. “It’s just—I’m trying to come into terms with the fact that I would have to deal with paying for music school on my own. Declare myself as an independent and all that. Work with the financial aid office for loans. I know that I will have to be alone in this.”

‘But you don’t have to be,’ Levi wanted to say, but know that he couldn’t guarantee that. Eren didn’t need empty promises and Levi wasn’t a person to give them.

“She cut me off.” Eren’s voice cracked. Levi squeezed his hand then, wishing desperately that he could do more. It was more than not having the money, Levi knew. It was the abandonment as well, the fact that his mother’s love was conditional. And the condition that Eren had to fulfill was the one where he had to give up himself.

Levi felt a familiar anger burned inside him, but he kept it down.

“I told my music teacher about it, and he—” Eren entwined their fingers together, gripping tightly as if Levi was his only anchor. “He told me that I should give it up; that there’s very little future—how could he? Out of everyone, he should be the one—” Eren’s words jumbled, crashing violently against each other in a storm of confusion. “He should know—he should understand—”

Eren’s crushing grip on his hand was so tight that his fingers felt like they could fall apart.

“I feel like I can’t do this anymore,” Eren sounded defeated, and Levi felt the hair at the back of his neck rise. Giving up wasn’t Eren. “The money situation isn’t working out. Nothing is working out.”

Tired of his own inability to help, Levi said. “Eren, if you need it, I can pay the application fee for you.”

That was the wrong thing to say.

Eren’s hand jerked away from his. “I’ll be fine. I can take care of myself.”

Stung by the rejection, Levi reached for the first thing that bubbled up in his mind—anger. “You just said that it’s not working out.”

“That doesn’t mean I want your help,” Eren scowled, recoiling away from Levi now. Levi didn’t know what Eren’s deal was. One moment he was confiding in Levi, and the next, he was completely cold. A trickle of regret crawled down his spine. He shouldn’t have agreed to delve deeper into Eren’s life. He didn’t know what he was getting into.

“Maybe you should learn to accept help when you need it.” Levi’s voice came out sharper than he intended.

Eren’s lips thinned into a tight line. “I should have known that you wouldn’t understand. I was hoping that you would, but you’re treating me like a kid like everyone else.”

There was a gap in their conversation, something that Levi wasn’t getting, but he latched on to the first thing he understood—Eren’s assuming something about him without hearing him out. “I never said anything about your age. If you’re going to put words in my mouth then why are you bothering to even talk to me?”

Eren took several large strides away from Levi before turning back to face him. “You don’t have to say anything about my age for me to know that you’re offering help because you think I’m a helpless child.”    

“You think that’s why I’m helping you?” Levi rolled his hands into fists, trying to keep down another wave of fury that threatened to wash him over the edge.

“I bet Mickey told you that I couldn’t take care of myself,” Eren said, looking like Levi had betrayed him. “You’re here because he asked you to, aren’t you?”

“I’m here because I chose to be.” Levi crossed his arms. Perhaps Mickey mentioned it because he wanted to ask Levi for help, but Levi was the one who offered the help first. “I’m here so that you don’t have to be alone through this difficult time. If you want me to leave, I will leave.”

He waited with baited breath for Eren to say ‘Fuck off; I don’t need your help.’ If Eren did, he would leave, simple as that. He had his pride. And if that was a boundary that Eren wanted to set, Levi would comply with gusto.

But Eren’s cold shoulder never came. His words, he didn’t know which ones, seemed to cool Eren’s fury.

Eren exhaled slowly. “I shouldn’t have shouted at you.”

Levi didn’t miss the fact that Eren didn’t apologize for his words, only the manner in which they were delivered.

Levi wasn’t going to apologize for his words either. He meant them.

The tension between them was still there. For now they reached an uneasy truce, but Levi knew that it was only a matter of time before it blew up in their faces again. If there was a next time.

They stood there in silence, not willing to meet each other’s eyes. Frustration still itched under Levi’s skin, and he reined it in. Eren still looked defensive as if Levi was going to attack him, and that was completely irritating to see. And ugly part of him wanted to blame it on Eren’s young age. For someone who didn’t want to be treated as a child, he was sure acting like one.

The other part of him said that he had to be the bigger person here. Eren was lost and confused, retreating because he was hurt. Nothing was going to be solved with two wounded animals in the same room.

A knock at the door made both of them jumped. Eren looked at Levi in panic, and Levi wished he could seem more reassuring, but what came out on his face was probably close to a grimace.

Another series of knock made Eren jumped again. This time though, a feminine voice called out, “Eren?”

The voice seemed to snap Eren out of it. Levi followed Eren awkwardly halfway as Eren went to get the door, but then stopped in the living room because there wasn’t any need for two people to get the door.

Whoever the girl was, Eren knew her well, judging from the familiar way that they talked to each other. Despite his curiosity, Levi didn’t bother trying to catch their conversation. It wasn’t his place and didn’t seem terribly important. The building frustration within him began to ebb, slithering to a corner of his mind as Eren opened the door to let the guest in.      

The young girl, about Eren’s age, curved her mouth in to a small O as her dark eyes fell on Levi. She had a pretty face, a bit round on the cheeks and neat black hair that fell just below her chin. She silently assessed Levi, and Levi did the same, noting that she bought some delicious smelling food in a plastic bag, probably for Eren as well.    

“I’m Mikasa, Eren’s friend,” the girl introduced herself, and Levi took a moment to remember where he heard that name from.

Ah. She was the friend who was dating someone Eren didn’t like.

“I’m Levi, Mickey’s friend,” Levi said.

Mikasa shifted the bag to her left so that they could shake hands. She frowned as Levi pulled away, and then something like realization crossed her face. Her eyes hardened, and she silently strode to the kitchen to set the bags down. “Eren, can you help me with this?”

Levi didn’t have to ask to know that Mikasa had something against him already, and he didn’t even have a chance to tell her about himself. Being judgmental without basis seemed to be a trend with Eren and his friend.

He wasn’t in the mood for this.

Eren shot him an apologetic look.

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

Levi went to the bathroom, took care of business, and pretended that he was interested in the stack of magazines in the straw basket sitting in the corner of the room. By the time a good fifteen minutes had passed, he figured that Mikasa should have finish whatever it was that she wanted to tell Eren, so he could finally go out, grab his laptop, and leave. He suspected that Mikasa was the type to not be afraid of talking about Levi in front of Levi, but he wasn’t in the mood to test that theory.

More importantly, she was here, Levi wasn’t needed. Besides, he had a feeling he was overstaying his welcome.

Levi made as much noise as possible as he headed toward the kitchen to alert Mikasa and Eren from finishing up whatever it was that they were talking about.

He had terrible timing however, because it appeared that Mikasa and Eren were at the climax of their argument, and no amount of mental blocking could stop him from overhearing the worst of their furious words.

“You don’t know what you’re doing,” Mikasa accused. “How old is he again, Eren? He could be taking advantage of you and you wouldn’t even know it.”

Well, that was charming.

“I know when someone is taking advantage of me,” Eren scowled.

“No, you don’t,” Mikasa said sharply. “I always have to be the one to protect you—”

“From what, Mikasa?” Eren cut her off. “From making my own decisions? From living my own life?”

“That’s not what I’m saying and you know it!”

“Yes, it is.” Eren drew himself back. Levi wasn’t the focus of Eren’s anger this time, but he could feel the blunt of it even from the living room. “How dare you decide what’s good for me and what isn’t without allowing me to make those choices? How dare you try to take away my right to choose?”

“Eren—”

But Eren didn’t stay to hear what she had to say. He didn’t even spare Levi a glance either. He stormed out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him so hard that the pictures on the wall rattled in their place.

It got very quiet.

Mikasa stood frozen in place, devastated and furious. Levi calmly grabbed his satchel and walked into the kitchen, unplugging his laptop and carefully slid it in his backpack. He could feel Mikasa’s eyes on him, but he paid her no mind. He knew that without Eren as an outlet for her anger, he was the next target.

And Levi was no one’s punching bag.

“Don’t you feel ashamed for being a dirty old man? Going after a young boy like that?”

A flash of shame at the accusation burned through him, but he clenched his teeth and kept his cool. Doubt numbed his mind, and terror trailed after it, the fear that Levi was that disgusting person that he didn’t want to be. But he clutched on to the fact that he had always liked Eren for everything but his age, that the number never had much meaning to him. Eren was Eren, bright and passionate and hardheaded at times and much more than the ten years that he didn’t have compare to Levi.

It was enough. It had to be enough.

Levi pulled his jacket over his shoulders and lifted his bag from the chair.

“I’m going to go check on Eren,” Levi decided to say. Eren probably didn’t go far with just his bare feet. “Good night, Mikasa.”

For the first time, Levi felt the weight of twenty-nine years crushing him.

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

Eren was, as Levi suspected, sitting out on the street curb, next to Levi’s car. He turned when Levi approached, a weak smile on his face that quickly dropped into a frown when he saw Levi’s satchel. “You’re leaving already?”

“Not yet,” Levi said. Eren was only in a T-shirt and shorts against the autumn chill, and his hair was still wet. “Do you want to sit in the car for a while?”

“I should get back inside,” Eren said, although he made no move to get up.

“Are you ready to go back inside?”

“No.”

Levi unlocked the car and opened the passenger side. He waited. When Eren got on his feet, he walked to the other side of the car and got in. Eren, for all of his bravado, let out a relieved sigh when Levi turned on the heater.

They sat together in silence. The sound of the heater and the muffled barking of dogs and laughing children hummed in the background. Dried leaves fell over his car, tapping gently on the roof, and when the wind came a shower of gold and brown rained on them.

“I know Mikasa was only worried about me,” Eren broke the silence first. “I know I shouldn’t have snapped at her like that. I know. You could spare me the lecture.”

“That’s not what I was going to say at all,” Levi murmured. Eren should stop this habit of assuming things about people, him and his best friend both. He watched as a girl in roller skates screamed at her dog, “Logan, Logan, STOP,” as the Labrador charged forward, pulling her along by his rein, people on the sidewalk barely manage to dodge them as they rushed by. He thought about what he was going to say.

“Eren,” Levi began, trying to meet Eren’s eyes but Eren was resolutely not looking at him. “I know these months have been rough on you.”

He paused. These weren’t the exact words that he wanted to say to Eren. What he wanted to say hovered just out of his reach, fuzzy and elusive. He swallowed.

What did Eren need right now? What was it?

“Eren,” Levi tried again. “Your life is yours alone. What you want to do, what choice you want to make, they’re all yours and yours alone.”

Eren met his eyes then, stunned.

“No matter what I say or what anyone else says out of—concern for you.” Levi stumbled because he nearly said ‘love,’ and it was too early for them to reach that. “They could only be suggestions. Only you know what’s truly in your heart, and only you get to decide whether it’s worth fighting for.”

Because all along, Eren had felt like he was losing control of his own life. His mother, the well-meaning but unintentionally cruel piano teacher, the crushing weight of the future that threatened to shatter his dream, and a few minute ago, Levi and Mikasa, they made Eren felt trapped and cornered. As Eren’s face crumbled into something vulnerable, Levi understood that Eren hadn’t asked for help or protection. He wanted trust. He wanted control of his life. He wanted his will for himself.           

“I—” Eren tore his gaze from Levi to look at his hands on his lap. “I didn’t know how badly I wanted to hear that.”

“Yeah,” Levi said. He wished he could do more, could say more, but he didn’t know what else he could give Eren. “I think I can understand.”

“I’m scared,” Eren admitted. Levi could hear how painful it was for him to say that. “I feel like I’m losing the battle before it begins. I feel—” He swallowed. “Alone.”

“I can’t promise you that things will get better,” Levi said. “But I will say that you’re not as alone as you think you are. I could at least tell you that you have me, and you have Mickey.” He knew without a doubt that Mickey wouldn’t think twice about helping Eren; in fact, he would probably be furious that Eren didn’t tell him sooner. “There are people that you can reach out to, if you choose it.”

Eren didn’t say anything, and Levi wondered if his words were making Eren feel trapped with obligations again. So he didn’t push further.

“Thank you for trusting me,” Levi said instead.  

Eren’s gaze was soft when he met Levi’s eyes once more, the adoration in it knocked the breath from Levi’s lungs. Eren didn’t smile, but Levi could feel the warmth in his voice as he spoke. “I’m glad that I told you.”

“Me too,” Levi said, and the smile that Eren gave him squeezed at his heart painfully.  

When Eren was ready to return to the apartment and hopefully talked things out with Mikasa, Levi took that as his cue to leave. From the rearview mirror, he could see Eren still standing on the sidewalk, watching the car until it rolled out of sight.

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

It wasn’t until Levi was in the comfort of his bed late at night that exhaustion began to stir up the fears that were hiding beneath his thoughts.

He knew that today completely changed the dynamics between him and Eren. It felt more real, more concrete, and Levi realized it was because Eren had given a deep part of himself, and Levi had accepted it.

They both crossed a great distance between them, and Levi wasn’t sure if he wanted this.  

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I want a boring typical romance story, so I wrote this thing. You can probably tell from the unique and one-of-a-kind title. XD


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